Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Frowsy Frillies

I would like to pose a question to you, dear reader. If I were to tell you that serial homewrecker and horrendous dresser Helena Bonham-Carter had decided to launch a line of underpants, what name would you come up with for said line? Could you think up a mean, funny, name that would make you giggle every time you said it, because it would so perfectly capture Ms. Bonham-Carter's unique combination of dowdy frowsiness, olden-timey period costumery, and man-stealing nut jobbiness? Think about it for a while....

OK. Now, if the name you came up with was "Pantaloonies," then you will naturally be pleased and proud to discover that you are thinking on exactly the same wavelength as Ms. Bonham-Carter, who:
is preparing to launch her sexy clothing range Pantaloonies at London's exclusive department store Harrods.

She revealed: "I woke up on my 35th birthday and thought, 'I've got to do something other than act'. What doesn't sit will with me is waiting for others to employ me. Plus using me always as the raw material. It's nice to make something out of something that isn't oneself."

The Oscar-nominated actress teamed up with swimwear designer Samantha Sage to create the new line and their first collection is called Bloomin' Bloomers and features a selection of Victorian camisoles, mop caps and bloomers.

The charity-conscious brunette is also planning on helping others through the success of the venture and a percentage of proceeds will be donated to United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF).

Sorry, I should have also mentioned that "Bloomin' Bloomers" was also taken!

It is rather refreshing to see that Helena is so completely aware of her own awful, awful persona and is willing to use that terrible image to swaddle unsuspecting shoppers in droopy Victorian breeches. How this line could possibly be "sexy," as Female First described it, is beyond me, although I guess she had to use something to lure Kenneth Branagh and Tim Burton into her black widow spider's web.

I am so excited by the prospect of owning a Helena Bonham-Carter mop-cap-n-bloomer ensemble to wear to the beach that I might just have to go into more debt and charge a plane ticket to London so I can race to Harrod's and beat you lot to the punch. I shall be the belle of the ball! Tra-la-la-lee-la!

Don't forget to put your non Pantaloonies or Bloomin' Bloomers underpants/swimwear names in the comments box. Thanks, guv'nor, wot wot! The winner gets to be the first one to see me covered head-to-toe in a totally hot 19th century modesty shroud!



Anonymous said...

If the panties are crotchless, the line could be called, "Poon with a View."

so sorry,

Terri R.

bill henry said...

Panty Club (1st rule... don't talk about them).

Planet of the Crabs

Mighty Tidy Whities.

chepo said...

I can't wait to soil them!

Anonymous said...

She's an amazing person!!!
She's different and she's got her own style which i think is amazing.
Just because your a bunch of people who follow the croud and never try anything even slighty different does not mean you have to leave snide comments. I don't personally see what she has done to any of you to go judging her!!
She's an amazing talented beautiful women. I think she's the best actress around these days! So just leave her alone and stop insulting her and i think it's dreadul what you've said about her! You should be ashamed of yourselves!!

Anonymous said...

I think this is so ridiculous. If this site is supposed to give information on news stories etc, then you are not doing a very good job of it! News is not biased or directs hate towards someone. News is simply delivering information, and this, I am sorry to say, is not doing that at all.

Helena should be proud that she is courageous enough to have her own style (which I think is gorgeous) and that she has managed to make a successful career out of acting AND fashion designing.

And sorry to let you know, but thats more than you've ever done.

Helena is awesome.