Monday, May 01, 2006

A Day Without Felt Up

Sorry, folks, but Felt Up is unable to produce any gossip, since her army of underpaid illegal immigrant workers decided not to show up for work today, for some unknown reason.

Don't worry, when they return they shall be severely punished. I'm thinking of making them watch non-stop, back-to-back episodes of My Super Sweet 16, then carrying Felt Up into her living room on a rickshaw, making a life-size ice sculpture of Felt Up wearing a harem-girl outfit, weeping with frustration at their obviously less-fabulous outfits, and then audibly gasping in jealous amazement when Daddy of Felt Up presents her with a Mercedes convertible and a diamond-studded Rolex.

That's what America is all about, right?

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