Monday, January 30, 2006

Star Wants The SWATs Called In: Spears Weight Attacker Team

I cannot stop laughing at my new Star magazine, which posed the following poll question:

"Do you think it's time for Britney's friends and family to stage an eating intervention?"

The poll was next to an article about Britney's weight soaring to the 140 pound mark, as she drowns her manifold marital woes in fried chicken, milkshakes, and cheeseburgers.

And America answered: Hell to the NO.

Yes, a majority of poll-takers said, "Gee, no, thanks, Star, we don't think it's necessary to force Britney Spears family and friends to stage an emergency intervention and pry the ginormous frappuccino out of her Cheeto-stained hands."

Because although 140 pounds is deemed a shocking, shocking weight by Hollywood standards, it is quite svelte by the standards of normal, God-fearing American fatty fatpants. And you know what? We love our Spears in all her chubby, acne-covered, barefoot-in-the-public-bathroom, slogan-beshirted glory. Don't go changin' to try and please those mean ole magazines, Brit!

Plus, if I were married to K-Fed, I'd weigh three hundred and forty pounds, just to keep him the hell away from me.

For once, the people have spoken, and I agree with them!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

they need to have an intervention about her sponge-bob of a talent douche of a hubby. i saw the clip of him in the studio "grooving" to his hit" scrub_a_dubo" or what ever the hell it is called and there are 3 guitars in the background and you know that chump dont know how to play any of them!!! landis where are ye?? the only thang k-to the -fed knows how to play is bri the zit knee!!! luv, erica