Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Blinded By The Light, Revved Up Like A Douche In The Middle of the Night

Yes, those are the lyrics I heard in that Manfred Mann song of yesteryear. I still don't know what the actual words are, but they can't be much more satisfying. I think Bruce Springsteen wrote that song--or am I crazy?

Anyhoo, it's been a week jam-packed with blind items! Yippee!

Here's the newest round. Page Six is "just asking":
WHICH cuckolded cutie suffered an additional heartbreak when she decided to abort her child?...

WHICH downtown photographer, a descendant of one of the nation's wealthiest families, has his art world pals worried sick about his newfound fixation with shooting heroin?...

WHICH high-tech billionaire keeps his massive yacht stocked with expensive escorts?...

WHICH pop strumpet preferred a certain kind of sexual intercourse, which let her technically maintain her virgin status, with her various hookups before she married her current husband?

OK. The first one might be the English actress whose name rhymes with Pee-Henna Swiller.

The second one...I don't know. I'm not very up on my downtown photographers and their family histories; the only one I've even heard of rhymes with Hattrick HickHullan, but who knows if his family is rich? Not me! Anyone out there know?

The third item might be the co-founder of the company that sounds like Like No Boffed. I believe the man, whose name rhymes with Maul Fallon, is rather a swinger, and owns a ginormous yacht.

Now, the last one is tricky. Trick-trick-tricky! It's tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time it's tricky! Sorry. Sometimes I can't help but break out into old Run DMC jams. They just naturally pop into my head immediately following Manfred Mann's Earth Band. It could happen to anyone! Just be glad you won't be around when I break into my Billy Squier routine, complete with short-shorts and curly wig. All right! Sheesh. Back to the matter at hand, if I must. This could either be the pop strumpet whose name rhymes with Pitney Queers, or quite possibly the pop strumpet whose name sounds Messy-Blah Wimpson (who is technically still married to Dick LaGay).

Come on, people! Help me out here. Got any ideas on these burning issues of our time? Funnier rhyming names? It takes a village, don't forget! Leave me something in the comment box, pronto! Stroke me, stroke me. Stroke!


Anonymous said...

I agree with Pitney Queers for the pop strumpet. I don't think Messy-Blah Wimpson had any other conquests before her husband, whereas Pitney had Dustin Limberbake and Fallin Sharol.

Also, Beto and I karaoked Billy Squier's "The Stroke" on New Year's Eve and no one knew what the song was. How sad is that?

Terri R.

Poo-Winda said...

I'm in the Chestica Chimpson camp on the booty sex. She was the main virginity flag waiver and Christian, therefore I'm thinking she's more prone to hypocrisy.

As far as the abortion, it's gotta be Pee-Henna, like you guessed, or maybe Hohan...remember the pregnancy test delivery whilst in the hospital recently?

Of course, this is all just lurid speculation. I have no life.

Speaking of Billy Squier, a very good friend of mine tried out for drill team in HS. The routine was choreographed to "Everybody Wants You." How sad is THAT?