Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Trouble in Federdise

More marital woes for Britney Spears and K-Fed. Page Six reports today that Brit wants to "punish" her husband for...well, for being her husband:
THINGS seem to be going from bad to worse in the Britney Spears/Kevin Federline marriage.

Spears, who kicked her under-employed, party-loving hubby out of her Malibu abode last week, is now said to be "furious" with her man and "wants to punish him," according to a well-informed source.

A spy in Spears' camp told PAGE SIX, "She is trying to repossess the $200,000 Ferrari she bought him. She is sick and tired of his partying ways and the constant flow of complete drug addicts coming in and out of her house."

The fight that led to Spears booting Federline from their home reportedly began over his having his "weedman" — or pot dealer — over to the house and hanging around their newborn son, Sean Preston.

After she kicked Federline out on Thursday, Spears went out dancing at Los Angeles hot spot LAX.

Federline, for his part, didn't seem to mind the sudden freedom. He spent the weekend partying with pals in Las Vegas — presumably on Spears' dime.

According to our sources, Federline and "an entourage" danced away until 4:30 a.m. at Tao while Mike Tyson and Joy Bryant looked on.

A friend of Federline said, "The problem is Britney's mom [Lynne Spears]. She hates Kevin. Since the day Britney had the baby, she has not left Britney's side. She moved into the hospital during the birth, and when Britney left the hospital, the mother moved into the house.

"[Lynne] insists on doing everything for the baby," our source continued. "She feeds it, she cleans it, she bathes it, and she won't let Kevin touch him...

"Kevin can't leave Britney because she's got all the money, but it's awful. Her mom hates him, and she won't get out of the house. The mom and everyone around Britney is telling her to get rid of Kevin. Kevin isn't going anywhere — Britney is picking up the bills."

Oh, boo-hoo, Kevin. Stop complaining! If I were Britney's mother I wouldn't let you hold the baby either! Or dance near it or do your lil' "raps" within earshot or anything! I would have had you killed long ago! You're just very lucky they haven't figured out how to freeze your bank account, or how to have you offed in a freak white-boy corn-row "accident"!

I wish I could feel more sorry for you, Britney--I want to! I really do!--but I just feel you are getting what you paid for. For some unknown reason you thought this yokel would be an ideal husband and father--exposed underpants, droopy britches, and trucker hats are a pretty good indication to the contrary, my dear; also, the fact that his girlfriend was pregnant with his second child when you met--and now you are finally figuring out that you should have listened to your mama and shot a blow-dart into Cameron Diaz' neck and waited for Justin T. to come back where he belongs, in your matronly upper arms.

Actually, that plan is still valid. Just get rid of K-Fed, and pronto! It's not too late! Looky, you can wear a cute costume and everything:

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Good luck!

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