Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Nip/Tuck Carver Spoiler

Warning, warning, blah blah spoiler blah blah blah. Cut to the chase: The "Nip/Tuck" season finale was on tonight, and it was revealed that The Carver is Latin doctor/swinger Quentin...AND Kit, the incredibly inept English bisexual detective, who turned out to be Quentin's sister! They were working together! Oh, and Quentin was born without a penis! He used a strap-on for the rapes! And Kit was born with a deformed face, and apparently is not actually English! (We already knew she was no detective!) And they totally get off scot free, carving their little hearts out at a sunny resort!

Also, the creepy Michael Jackson-lookalike son Matt helps the trannie he beat to a pulp get a new face from Sean, but also inadertently leads his crazy white supremacist ex-girlfriend and her Nazi dad to kidnap the trannie and force Matt to cut off his/her johnson and then bury him/her alive, but luckily Matt confronts the gun-wielding Nazi, giving the trannie enough time to rise from his/her grave and smash the Nazi with a shovel. I bet that poor trannie rues the day he/she ever met creepy Matt, let me tell you! Rues!

There is also something wrong with Sean and Julia's baby, but she's not telling Sean and we don't know what it is! Down's Syndrome? Deformity? Fetal alcohol syndrome? Big nose? We won't find out until next year!

The most horrific part of the show came when Christian's fiancee Kimber is found after being held captive by the Carver(s), who "undid"--without anesthesia--all ten of the plastic surgery procedures she'd had done over the years, including the removal of her breast implants, the injection of chicken fat into her tummy, and blowtorching her face to simulate sun damage. Really sick, grotesque stuff. I had to have Terri R. watch and tell me what happened for most of the two-episode finale, because I'm too sensitive a soul for this kind of horror show.

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I can't wait 'till next season!


Rebekah said...

I think you just managed to convince me to never ever ever watch Nip/Tuck.

I'll stick to the strictly emotional sadism on Project Runway.

porkmuffin said...

dude, this sounds like the most fucked up show ever! i can't believe i've never seen it!