Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Yet More Signs Of The Impending Apocalypse

Eagle-eyed Friend of Felt Up Rebekah M. sent in this item from today's Page Six, about Paris Hilton's stolen-from-Mary-Kate-Olsen rich Greek boyfriend du jour Stavros Niarchos and his utterly delightful old-world manners:
Stavros Niarchos III is some kind of class act. After he fueled up at L.A.'s Element club the other night, the Greek shipping heir and a posse of pals stopped at Burger King.

"Stavros offered a homeless man outside $100 to dump a soda on himself," a source squealed to Us Weekly.

The desperate bum took the payout "and everyone laughed," reports the source. This one's a keeper, Paris!

Nice! Glad to see they know how to raise 'em right in Greece.

Yes, it's obvious why first M.K. "The Skinny One" Olsen and now Paris "Is Burning (Down There)" Hilton have thrown themselves at this charming young man. Paris knows straight class when she sees it, and that's hott!

Let's take a look at young, wealthy jackasses in love, shall we?

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us (via Just Jared)
"Wheeeeeeeeee! We're skinny and rich and nearly nude, and you're not! Wheeeeeeeeee!"

Somewhere, Satan is chuckling to himself. Yes, he is chipper this morning, safe in the knowledge that soon our souls will be his, because the "unholy joining in matrimony of a Greek sun king to his naked whore" is the Sixth Sign of the Apocalypse, people! Right after the "Leviathan washes upon the shore" and the "Seas turn red with blood," and just before the avian flu pandemic wipes the "wicked and the innocent alike" from this Earth!

It's all in there, in that scary book. You know, the one Tom Cruise made Katie Holmes throw in the garbage, along with her crucifix, First Communion photo, and St. Christopher medal, and replace with his autographed copy of Dianetics, a solid gold Special Edition Top Level Tom Cruise Model E-Meter, a bottle of multi-vitamins "specifically designed for the needs of the depressed post-partem mom," and a copy of How To Give Birth in Total Silence Without Painkillers--The Scientology Way! by Kelly Preston. You might have missed all that, because it was right before the turkey baster was inserted during their "Thetan procreation" ceremony.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

We are, like, so doomed...

3 comments:

Your Dirty Secret said...

This may be my favorite post ever. I am still laughing.

Lennox532 said...

I believe it because he obviously eats Burger King... just LOOK at his belly!

Tim said...

Tyra Banks dressing up as a fat woman--now this needs some coverage:

http://tinyurl.com/decxa