Tuesday, November 08, 2005

A Frog In The Hair Does Not A Breakdown Make!

It's a sad day when a celebrity meltdown brings your humble Felt Up blogette no happiness, but that is the tragic state of affairs today at Felt Up HQ, because Page Six reports that dark, brooding, deliciously off-kilter-looking Joaquin Phoenix is losing his mind:
The "Walk the Line" star — who spent some time earlier this year in rehab for his drinking — has been "acting very oddly" while promoting the Johnny Cash biopic.

"It seems like he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown," said one insider.

During an interview with the Associated Press at the movie's L.A. premiere on Friday night, Phoenix asked the reporter: "Do I have a large frog in my hair? . . . Something's crawling out of my scalp."

When the reporter assured Phoenix he "looked great," the actor replied, "No, but I feel it. I'm not worried about the looks. I'm worried about the sensation of my brain being eaten . . . What did you ask me?"

...Phoenix did a round of interviews with the print media at the W in L.A.'s Westwood but had a meltdown half way through the day.

One spy said: "In the middle of the print interviews he stood up and said, 'I can't do this. I have done 40 other [bleeping] interviews today,' and then walked out. He didn't do the radio group at all."

...The next day, Friday, during the television interviews, he was "just as difficult," and "cut interviews short and repeated that he 'can't do this any more' in just about every session. He looked like he was having a breakdown."

OK, whoa. Hold on, now, just a goddamn minute, Page Six. I don't see where there's either a meltdown or a breakdown in this report! I have very strict requirements for these words you bandy about like so much confetti, but you have not met them! So Joaquin thinks he has a frog in his hair. Big deal! Who hasn't thought that every once in a while? Why, just yesterday I thought I had a bee in my bonnet, but since I'm not a famous movie star, no one gave a damn! Just because Joaquin is a sensitve artiste who gets the heebie-jeebies from dealing with reporters, I don't think that qualifies him for the full-on Frances Farmer/"Snake Pit" treatment just yet. Lots of stars are press-shy! Lots of stars are "eccentric"---hello? Johnny Depp? What about Marlon Brando? He had frogs in his hair every day of his life!

Poor Leaf. I mean Joaquin. First he grows up with crazy fanatical cult-member parents who give all the kids hippie-dippy names and drag him and his family all over the world doing "missionary" work; then (I'm speculating) he has some kind of hairlip-fixing surgery which gives him that crucial, awesome (to me, anyway) flaw to his otherwise normal good looks; then he watches his beloved older brother die in front of The Viper Room; then he becomes a movie star; then he goes to alcoholic rehab; and now he's got to contend with the "spies" all around him who can't wait to call his admittedly erratic behavior a "nervous breakdown."

Phooey on you, Page Six.


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Lang said...

I don't remember Johnny Cash wearing a garland of gold leaves in his hair.

pupsy said...

Makes: 1 1k Beef Jerky
1kg beef roast preferably topside
1 cup Worcestershire sauce
1 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons hickory smokey bbq seasoning, or similar
1 clove garlic