Monday, November 14, 2005

Borderline Hysteria!

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Friend of Felt Up Terri R. sent in this urgent communique today:
You should mention how awesome Tommy Lee Jones (I know you love him) is in your blog! There's a little bit about him on imdb.com today complaining about Kay Bailey Hutchinson and her plans to give money to vigilante border patrol groups! TLJ loves brown people! He married one!

Terri R. is, of course, correct. I do love dark, brooding, flawed (he has delicious pock marks! Huzzah!) Tommy Lee. Sigh! Swoon!

And he is, indeed, awesome. First of all, there is his name: Tommy Lee Jones is second only to Rip Torn in the Manly Texan Name Hall of Fame. Then there is his talent. Need proof of his mad skills? First watch "The Executioner's Song," making sure to ignore Rosanna Arquette's naked boobs, although as they are almost as ginormous as her hideous rat-like teeth, that may be nigh on impossible. But try! Then compare TLJ's spot-on perfect performance in the excellent made-for-tv movie "The Amazing Howard Hughes" with the ridiculous fat-baby-playing-at-manhood monstrosity that is Leonardo DiCaprio in "The Aviator." Then witness Mr. Jones as the drunk, boorish, womanizing, yet oddly endearing Doolittle Lynn in "Coal Miner's Daughter," your humble Felt Up blogette's contender for Favorite Movie Of All Time. If you're feeling especially curious, check out "The Eyes of Laura Mars," "Jackson County Jail," and "Back Roads," a late '70s road movie co-starring Sally Field as a hooker with a heart of gold, while Tommy Lee plays a boxer with his shirt off most of the time--reason enough to see this movie, I can assure you.

At any rate, I'm glad to see that his politics on this issue are in line with my own (and Terri "Brown Power" R.'s), because even though he went to Harvard and was Al Gore's roommate, Tommy Lee keeps his political views pretty close to the vest, which I think is a good quality in a celebrity. He's so ornery and prickly that it has been difficult to figure out what he thinks about anything, except that one time on "Inside The Actor's Studio" he said his least favorite sound was "leaf blowers," and again, our thinking is right in line. I hate the sound of leaf-blowers too, Tommy Lee! We have so much in common!

But I digress. Here's the IMDB report that Terri mentioned:
Veteran actor Tommy Lee Jones has criticized Texan Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson's ideas on how to control immigration on the US/Mexico border.

The Fugitive star, who lives in San Antonio near the Texas/Mexico border with his Hispanic wife Dawn, is angered by Hutchinson's plans for vigilante groups to guard borders.

He says, "We have a United States senator who has been quoted as saying that our borders are hemorrhaging, a bleeding wound... and wants to introduce a bill that pours millions (of dollars) into federal enforcement of the borders and by golly she wants to give money to the vigilante groups. Just like a lot of politicians, (she) feeds on headlines. In this case she's making her appeal to rabid paranoia which is dangerous. It's a very complicated issue. There are people working in agriculture whose families have been split by the existence of this border and they're willing and able to do jobs in the north that no one else will do. They don't deserve to have their culture and their families split in two."

Go Tommy Lee! Well-said, sir! Viva La Raza!

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Viva Tommy Lee! Viva!

And now for something completely different: Page Six reported today that Snoop Dogg is coming out with a product very near to your humble Felt Up blogette's shrivelled, blackened, tiny heart: HOT DOGS!
Rappers Lil' Jon and Ice-T may hawk their own energy drinks, but Snoop Dogg hopes to upstage them both with his new line of hot dogs.

The laid-back hip-hopper has lent his name to "Foot Long Snoop Doggs," which will feature a wrapper that bears Snoop's likeness, reports aversion.com, which notes, "If Snoop Doggs take off, expect a line of J. Lo's huge buns to surface in the near future."

OMG. I loooove hot dogs! Foot Long Snoop Doggs? Awesome. Totally and completely awesome. I can see myself now, eating a Foot Long Snoop Dogg, sippin' on gin and juice, with my mind on my money and my money on my mind, driving around in my Cadillac Snoop DeVille, if I had one. I wonder if they're kosher? The hot dogs, I mean, not the car....

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I'll shamelessly use any excuse to put up a photo of dogs in costume! Any excuse!


And finally, Friend of Felt Up Rebekah M. sent in this delightful item over the weekend, about Martha Stewart possibly hooking up with Burt Reynolds (!):
InTouch says that Stewart has been nursing a crush on the Bandit.

"Ever since her prison stint, Martha's decided to live for the moment, so she pulled a few strings and got Burt's number. She gave him a call, introduced herself, and now the two have a secret phone relationship going."

I think that if a magic fairy were to grant me one wish, and my choices were: 1) world peace for all eternity, 2) the end of hunger and suffering on the planet, or 3) Martha Stewart and Burt Reynolds really are dating, I would definitely have to pick 3). The Bandit and the Felon? Are you kidding me? I would stop at nothing to see those two together!

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It's a good thing!

2 comments:

Tim said...

I sorta like Rosanna's ginormous chest, having the y chromosome and all. I've never really thought about her rat-like teeth (I guess because I'm usually looking at her ginormous chest). Now for a link via fimoculous.com: Paris Hilton doesn't change expressions: http://parisfacial.ytmnd.com

Lang Squal said...

Girl have you seen Tommy Lee Jones in VOLCANO, about volcanic activity on sunset blvd in LA? OMG it's sooo brilliant. By the way, Anne Heche is his co-star, and Don CHeadle plays the wise-cracking black guy. It's quite incredible really.