Wednesday, October 05, 2005

The Unspeakable Horror of Cruise-Controlled Conception

Oh, j'adore my loyal Felt Up readers and your mean little hearts! Thanks to both of you, I can post this awful, tragic news:
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Movie star Tom Cruise and his fiance, actress Katie Holmes, are expecting a baby together, a spokeswoman for the actor said on Wednesday.

News that Holmes, 27, is pregnant with Cruise's child was first reported by People magazine on its Web site.

"I can confirm that," spokeswoman Marlan Willard said when asked about the report, but added that she had no information about a due date or any other details.

A statement from Cruise's chief publicist, sister Lee Anne DeVette, added: "Tom and Katie are very excited, and the entire family is every excited."

No wedding date for the couple has been set...

The twice-married Cruise, currently shooting the action movie "Mission: Impossible III," adopted two children, Connor, 10, and Isabella, 12, with former wife Nicole Kidman.

Oooh, dis! Bringing up those adopted kids with beard #2 just in case we'd all forgotten. And thus to imply that it must've been the frozen-faced Nicole who couldn't conceive. Yeah, that and the fact that sexual intercourse would have to have taken place.

Ah, the miracle of life...

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Brace yourselves for Cruise to jump up on Oprah's sofa and accidentally on-purpose toss the baby into the rafters of her studio in a fit of manic Scientologist glee...

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