Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The Devil In Miss Holmes

Hee hee! Katie Holmes' old-school Catholic dad is up in arms that a)his daughter has a baby growing inside her presumably no-longer virgin loins, b)the father is a turkey baster, c) she isn't married yet, and d) she's become a drooling Scientologist pod-person thanks to her contractual obligations to her domineering control-freak sexually-ambiguous "fiance." According to MSNBC's The Scoop:
Tom Cruise’s future father-in-law apparently isn’t a happy camper.

Katie Holmes’s dad is said to be “very upset” because his unmarried daughter is pregnant with Cruise’s child. And, what’s more, the devoutly Catholic Martin Holmes reportedly is none-too-thrilled about his daughter’s involvement in her husband-to-be’s controversial religion, Scientology.

“[Martin Holmes] was very upset and got into a real spat with Katie,” the forthcoming issue of Life & Style Weekly quotes “a close friend” of Cruise as saying. “Tom had promised her parents that they would do the right thing and get married before any baby came along.” After scolding his daughter, according to the mag, Martin Holmes berated Cruise by declaring “You’re no good.”

“He said he and his wife were very upset by the news,” according to the source, “and demanded the pair get married quickly.”

Furthermore, a member of Christ the King Church, which the Holmes family belongs to, told L&S that Cruise and Holmes’ publicist, his sister Lee Anne DeVette, sent a letter to parishioners, asking them not to talk to reporters. Although a family friend told the mag that the Holmes family is thrilled by the news of a grandchild, they’re also concerned.

“It seemed like Katie was being controlled by Scientologists,” the friend told L&S. “Now they wonder if it’s a Rosemary’s Baby situation, where Katie is being groomed to provide Tom with a child.”

DeVette didn’t respond to The Scoop’s repeated requests for comment.

Heh. I was wondering how long it would take the square community to embrace the "Rosemary's Baby" anaologies! Of course those of us on the vanguard of celebrity snark thought of it immediately upon the announcement of Holmes' unholy conception...

Oh, Kate. You can't have two daddies, now can you? (Well, not unless one of them is the cyrogenically frozen head of L. Ron Hubbard, of course.) You have to decide if you're his daughter or Tom Cruise's beard. And while 50 million clams can buy you a lot of things, it cannot buy back the respect and admiration of your pops. But alas, you should have thought about all this before you made your deal with the devil. However, it's not too late to cancel your marriage to him, Kate! STEP AWAY FROM THE EVIL ONE! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE AND THE LIFE OF YOUR UNBORN ARTIFICALLY-INSEMINATED BABY!

RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

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(via the wow report)

2 comments:

Spare E said...

After scolding his daughter, according to the mag, Martin Holmes berated Cruise by declaring “You’re no good.”

“He said he and his wife were very upset by the news,” according to the source, “and demanded the pair get married quickly.”


This has me shuddering in my shoes. A dad more concerned with churchy rules than his daughter's own well-being. They think Cruise is horrible, yet they demand their daugther marry him immediately.

Gross.

femme feral said...

Poor Katie.