Monday, September 26, 2005

World Lets Out Collective Snore At Kutcher/Moore Nuptials

Well, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher were finally joined in holy, sacred matrimony at some sort of craaaaaazy Kabbalah-themed wedding at Demi's house.

Yawn.

I wish I could muster up some enthusiasm about this story, or even the tiniest bit of interest in it, but I just find them the world's most boring couple. Once the initial shock wore off and everyone got used to the whole "she's old and annoying, and he's young and annoying" thing, I mean really, who gives a good goddamn what they do? Dullsville, man!

Plus anything having to do with the Kabbalah makes me want to dress in a black shroud, throw on a little "Bela Lugosi's Dead," and become a Wiccan.

I can just imagine their vows:

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"I, Demi, take you, Ashton, to be my human publicity stunt, to keep me in the news long after anyone thought possible based on my acting prowess in such films as "St. Elmo's Fire" and "Striptease," in good times and bad, in thinness and exercise bulimia, until death by lack of nutrients we do part."

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"I, Ashton, take you, Demi, to be my entree into the world of hot teenage daughters and my stepping stone from Fez to the A-list, to be my mom's new best friend, in good times and bad, in manorexia and future addiction, until I lose interest, Brittany Murphy goes on a jealous rampage and stalks and kills us all, or my career takes a nosedive, whichever comes first."

Mazel-tov!

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