Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Rumba In the Jungle!

OMG. Tonight's the night we finally get a re-match between talentless clodfoot slut Kelly "Top-Heavy" Monaco and charming man-about-town John "J. Peterman" O'Hurley from the best show ever created by Man, "Dancing With the Stars"!

USA Today reports:
Kelly Monaco and John O'Hurley talk as if Tuesday's Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 8:30 ET/PT) dance-off will be one big love fest.

Their training regimens and competitive streaks say otherwise.

"They've been training like lunatics," executive producer Conrad Green says. "They're taking this seriously. They've got something to prove."

Monaco and partner Alec Mazo last faced O'Hurley and Charlotte Jorgensen in the finale of Dancing's six-week summer run, which drew more than 22 million viewers July 6. But Monaco and Mazo's surprise win over the heavily favored O'Hurley and Jorgensen was called into question because of a complex judging system and suspicion the vote was tilted in Monaco's favor because she's in ABC soap General Hospital.

"I feel like I won, but I'm going in as the underdog because the results were disputed," says Monaco, 29. "Until I prove otherwise, that's the situation. This is supposed to be all in fun. I don't want to scratch anyone's eyeballs out. But I'm competitive by nature."

ABC says there was nothing inappropriate about Monaco's win, which was based on a combination of a three-judge panel's ratings of final performances and votes from viewers tabulated from the prior week's show. But heading into the launch of its prime-time fall lineup week, the network hopes the controversy will attract the kind of rematch audience that made Dancing the highest-rated summer series since CBS' Survivor in 2000. Winners will be announced Thursday (8 p.m. ET/PT).

Monaco and Mazo have been training four hours a day; O'Hurley and Jorgensen have been training six hours a day. O'Hurley, who shed 20 pounds training for the show last summer, took up Pilates to boost his strength and flexibility.

"Kelly's a sweetheart. And this is playful competition, but I felt a little ripped off losing to her," says O'Hurley, best known for playing catalog king J. Peterman on Seinfeld.

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Lovable John O'Hurley!

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Boo, hiss! Kelly "A Slute and a Whoore" Monaco. Bleh! (To see the rest of her surgery-enhanced breastesses go here, but do so only at your own risk!)

The sucky thing is we won't know the results until Thursday. And if Clodfoot Monaco wins again I may have to renounce my U.S. citizenship once and for all. I'm totally and completely serious.

Tomorrow night is the "Lost" premiere! My television dance card is filled for the week, yippee!

God, that's sad...

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