Thursday, September 22, 2005

Ding-Dong The Witch Is Dead!

Hallelujah! Talentless clod Princess Disgrace of Monaco was finally stripped of her ill-gotten crown, which was then placed on the charming, classy head of John "J. Peterman" O'Hurley , and now all is right with the "Dancing With The Stars" universe, at long last.

The Associated Press reports that:
The votes are in - and ohn O'Hurleyhas bested Kelly Monaco to win the "Dancing with the Stars" title many thought he deserved in the first place.

"I'm very rarely beyond words, and I am right now," O'Hurley said after the results were announced Thursday on the ABC show.

In a rematch, O'Hurley and his professional dancing partner, Charlotte Jorgensen, bested Monaco and hers, Alec Mazo. Monaco beat O'Hurley in the July 6 season finale of the show, but the win over the popular O'Hurley prompted skepticism over the voting process.

The victor of the rematch was chosen purely by viewers - and co-host Tom Bergeron said the winner and loser were separated by just 1 percent of the votes."

The article goes on to mention the judges' comments on the various routines, but the best part is where the A.P. pretty much comes out and says that Kelly "Top-Heavy" Monaco is a dirty whore:
At least Monaco's outfits were consistent - extremely tight, revealing and dripping with glitter and jewels.


At least not all nice guys finish last. Bravo, J. Peterman! Bravo! Your win tonight helps restore a teensy tinsy smidge of my regard for my fellow countrymen.

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Hip hip hooray!

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For he's a jolly good fellow!

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The Queen is dead; long live the King!

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