Tuesday, August 09, 2005

What Doesn't Kill You Only Makes You Sing A Really Bad Song

Hee hee. Ashlee Simpson's creepy overbearing dad has forced her to use her public lip-synching humiliation as inspiration for new material. According to Page Six:
Just when everyone was about to forget Ashlee Simpson's embarrassing "Saturday Night Live" appearance last October, Jessica's punky sister has two tracks on her latest album, "Beautifully Broken" and "Who Will Help Me When I Fall," about being caught lip-synching.

Her manager/preacher/father, Joe, is milking the incident to promote Ashlee's second CD, "In Another Life."

"There's no way to run away from failure, because in everyone's life, you're going to meet it," he told MTV. "So we try to teach our girls the way to do it is head on. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go at it."

First of all, I take umbrage with the description of Ashlee Simpson as "punky." Liza Minelli has more punk rock in her pinkie than Ashlee Simpson does in her entire body!

Secondly, I think the songs should be called "Jessica Is Daddy's Favorite (He Talks About Her Double Ds And Not Mine)" and "Who Will Help Me When I Dance A Jig And Run Off Live TV When My Tape Machine Breaks (I Think I'll Blame My Band And Then Acid Reflux)." But that's me.

Page Six also had this delightful report about media whore Rachel Hunter:
Rachel Hunter was escorted out of a VIP room at the Oakley/Blender X-Games party at the Key Club in Hollywood the other night after she was caught eating the spicy chicken wings set aside for rap duo the Ying Yang Twins, the night's special performers.

Club staffers who went backstage to check that the group's catering demands had been met found Rod Stewart's sexy ex and four girlfriends helping themselves to the Twins' wings and booze.

After an indignant Hunter and her posse were shooed away, the club placed an emergency order for more "spicy chicken wings" before the rappers finished their set.

What a girl! She had the bold audacity to stuff her face with the Ying Yang Twins' Buffalo wings and then was "indignant" when the staff tried to wrestle a wing out of her greasy mitts? I wonder if her whole face was covered in neon orange Buffalo sauce. Wow. I think I might have just fallen a little bit in love with Rachel Hunter!

Hey, Rachel, I love wings, too! We have so much in common. You were on "Dancing With The Stars," and I watched "Dancing With The Stars!" You were married to Rod Stewart, and I thank God every night that I was never married to Rod Stewart! You are a statuesque former super-model who will do anything to maintain some modicum of fame and fortune, and...so am I! I wonder if we were twins in a former life or something. It's kind of spooky...

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Mmmmm....spicy chicken wings.

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