Monday, August 15, 2005

Love For Sale

I got a hot tip from Chepo P. that America's Sweetearts have broken up!

No, not Brad-n-Jen, that's olden-timey non-news! I'm talking about Heidi Fleiss and Dennis Hoff, of course!

Hoff owns the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada and is the star of the delightful HBO reality show "Cathouse," and we all know Heidi Fleiss for being Charlie Sheen's hook-up for hookers back in the day. (She was also physically abused by her last boyfriend, actor Tom "The Whizzinator" Sizemore. Girlfriend sure can pick 'em!)

Here's C.P.'s feverish report:
Moonlight Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hoff and the Hollywood Madame Heidi Fleiss are no longer an item!

Becca Bratt, an employee at the Moonlight Bunny ranch, revealed on the July 28 edition of "The Howard Stern Show" that prostitution's golden couple have split up and that Fleiss is no involved with the much older Reno, NV, pimp.

Bratt, a porn star who has been a "working girl" since she was 18, said that Hoff was her boyfriend now, and that Fliess was out of the picture. She also stated that it she is one of the few girls at the Bunny Ranch to do scat parties! Sign me up!

Hoff and his legal brothel are the focus of the HBO series
"Cathouse." One episode shows Hoff's then-girlfriend, porn star Sunset Thomas, packing up and leaving Hoff because he sleeps with the girls at the ranch and is tired of fighting for his attention.

Huh. I don't quite understand the "scat party" reference--does it have something to do with listening to Ella Fitzgerald records?

Anyway, I find prostitution, hookers in general, and Heidi Fless in particular, to be utterly fascinating. I'm a big fan of those shows like "Hookers at the Point" and "Pimps Up, Hoes Down," as well as documentaries like "American Pimp." More hooker programming, please, HBO and Showtime! Give the people what they want!

Damn. I was really rooting for The President and First Lady of Pimping to make a go of it and prove all those naysayers wrong; maybe spin-off a sitcom (an updated "I Love Lucy," perhaps?). But, alas, it was not to be. Que sera sera, etc.

Who among us can understand the mysterious ways of love? Who can impose logic and order on the fleeting fancies of the heart?

Who can put a price on happiness?

Well, if anyone could, its Dennis and Heidi. Here's the "menu" from the Bunny Ranch:

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See? "Happiness" can be found somewhere between "Penis Pump Party" and "Shame and Humiliation," just as God intended...

Poor Dennis. He really seems to be taking the break-up very hard:

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(photo via West Coast Players--check it out!)

Dennis is the one in the yellow tie. Buck up little camper!

And here's our Heidi. She's kissed a lot of frogs; here's hoping that one day she finds her prince in shining pimp robes:

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Pimpin' ain't easy.

And C.P. helpfully provided a picture of The Other Woman (Among Many), Becca Bratt (if that is her real name):

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I must say she looks a little fresher than some of those poor "Hookers At The Point" ladies. She seems to have all of her teeth, for one thing. Yet another reason to legalize prostitution. I've got a slogan and everything:

"We're whores, next door, get used to it!"

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