Thursday, August 25, 2005

Life Is A Cabaret of Accusations By Former Bodyguards, Old Chum

Poor Liza! Another tell-all book by a former bodyguard about her marriage to horrifyingly over-surgered gay man David Gest is making the rounds. This one is by Imad Hamdi, and according to Lloyd Groves' Lowdown column in the NY Daily News, Hamdi says that:
"I've written a book called 'Liza and Her Diseases.'....I can tell you that two major European publishers are bidding on it right now."

The 27-year-old Hamdi, a staunch supporter of Gest, otherwise earns his keep protecting Saudi princes, unnamed celebs and other VIPs who "rely on my discretion."

Hamdi is 6feet tall and 250 pounds, a self-described seconddegree black belt in kyokushin, or full-body contact karate. He surfaces every so often to claim on television that the 5-foot-3, 58-year-old singing star beat the living daylights of her defenseless husband, and to maintain that she once socked the hulking Hamdi so hard in the gut, "she winded me."

"When she drank, she became the Incredible Hulk," Hamdi told me. "It's all in the book."

The Moroccan-born, London-raised Hamdi - not to be confused with former Minnelli bodyguard M'hammed Soumayah, whose $100 million lawsuit claims the little lady regularly roughed him up and forced him to have sex with her - says he stoutly refused sexual overtures from his client.

"I think when she was depressed, she was sexually frustrated," said Hamdi, who calls himself "a hot-blooded hetereosexual male."

Hamdi gallantly continued: "The more I refused, the more frustrated she became. ... But she's not really my taste in women. She's old enough to be my mother - my grandmother, actually."

But he did, as part of his job, "rub a lot of goop on her," Hamdi acknowledged. "That's in the book."

Hamdi said he's hoping for publication early next year. "The book's written, and it's just waiting for the right time. And it's not about the money. It's about telling the truth."

Superflack Liz Rosenberg, a pal of Minnelli, retorted: "They can't even keep their lies straight. Liza Minnelli wouldn't and couldn't hurt a fly."

Liz Rosenberg is right! Liza only ever hurts herself. (Literally! She fell out of bed in a drunken frenzy last year and had to be rushed to the hospital with broken bones! God, I love this woman. But I digress.) Although I do like the idea of Liza demanding that a 27-year-old bodyguard "rub a lot of goop on her," I must say. And why shouldn't she? Liza has needs! Is she not made of flesh and bone? If you prick her, does she not bleed? (Well, at least bleed Dewar's, if not actual blood? That still counts, right? God, I hope so, for Liza's sake as well as mine.)

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Liza-n-David in happier times. They look as normal and all-American as apple pie. Who could ever have predicted this would all end in tears and lawsuits and accusations of wife-on-husband spousal abuse? Who? And people say Liza is a crazy. Look at her! She's as normal as you or I!

We're all pulling for you Liza with a Z! You will be vindicated, if not first publicly humiliated, yet again...Bring on the cabaret!

1 comment:

Spare E said...

"I think when she was depressed, she was sexually frustrated," said Hamdi, who calls himself "a hot-blooded hetereosexual male.

Just as his pal David Gest has described himself.