Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Hey, Nude

Poor ole Jude "Breakin' The" Law. He's the lead story in today's Page Six, and as David Niven might say, it's all about his shortcomings as a man.

Apparently there are some naked pictures floating around and everyone who has seen them has laughed derisively at the paltritude of his package. His decided lack in the meat-and-two-veg department. His huevos needing a bit more chorizo. His Longfellow not being what it used to be. His pieces needing more bits. His beans in want of a larger frank. His buns....Oh, read the damn article:
In snapshots that recall George Costanza's infamous "shrinkage" episode on "Seinfeld," the love-rat actor's meager manhood is on full display as he changes into a swimsuit outside his mother Maggie Law's house in Vaudelnay, France.

"He's no Tommy Lee, that's for sure," sighed one unimpressed publicist who viewed copies of the paparazzi pix obtained by PAGE SIX.

Late yesterday afternoon, e-mail images of the photos were being forwarded around the offices of Women's Wear Daily under the headline "Jude in the Nude in France," and accompanied by a not-so-subtle dig at Law's loins: "Ha!"

Law's rep, Simon Halls, declined to discuss his client's apparently puny package, telling us: "Oh, please! The guy is on vacation in France with his kids. People need to give him a little bit of a break."

When we asked Halls if Law, 32, is crying in one photo that shows him grimacing while talking on the phone outside the house — he supposedly has been begging former fiancĂ©e Sienna Miller to take him back — the rep scoffed, "Come on — he's got the sun in his eyes!"

You know, fame, like the nanny, is a fickle mistress. It seems like it was just yesterday--perhaps because it was just yesterday--that Jude Law's ass was voted "Sexiest Bottom" in a British poll of movie-goers. What can I say? The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

Don't fret, Judie. There are many options for a man with your condition:

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Good luck!


all stars said...

How can you possibly publish this post without the wang? We want the cock! Your post is nothing without visuals of the offending digit!

this is proper cock reporting.

jennifer said...

The link doesn't work! How about "proper" commenting?

all stars said...

BUSTED! Sometimes link tags work in these comments, sometimes they don't. We're 'properly' chagrined.

Thanks for the link to Law's link.

jennifer said...

Hey, we all want the same thing, right? Unfettered access to Jude Law's teeny peenie!