Hallelujah, today the media got their greedy, grubby little hands on the hotly-anticipated Jennifer Aniston interview in the September issue of Vanity Fair in which she breaks her chaste vow of silence and discusses her shocking-- shocking!--divorce from Brad "Monkeyface" Pitt.
CNN has a preview, and I picked out some highlights. First, Jen talks about The Dark Days After The Split:
"Am I lonely? Yes. Am I upset? Yes. Am I confused? Yes. Do I have my days when I've thrown a little pity party for myself? Absolutely. But I'm also doing really well."
Holed up in her Malibu, Calif., bungalow, the 36-year-old actress says the media coverage and tabloid rumors have been hard to deal with -- especially reports that she didn't want to start a family.
"A man divorcing would never be accused of choosing career over children," she says. "I've never in my life said I didn't want children. I did and I do and I will!""
Why, she sounds just as normal as you or me! Except for the part about wanting to have children, of course.
Then Jen talks about the painful formation of Brangelina:
Aniston says she was aware of Pitt's attraction to Angelina Jolie, his "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" co-star, but doesn't blame their split on her.
"It's just complicated," Aniston says. "There are all these levels of growth -- and when you stop growing together, that's when the problems happen."
But when pictures showing Pitt and Jolie together with her 3-year-old son, Maddox, on a beach in Africa were published, the former "Friends" star says, "the world was shocked and I was shocked."
She was also hurt by a fashion spread in W magazine -- a concept of Pitt's -- that showed the actor and Jolie as a 1960's-style married couple.
"There's a sensitivity chip that's missing," Aniston says of Pitt.
Oooh, burn! Go, Jenny! Go, Jenny! Go, Jenny!
Then Jen wisely takes The High Road:
Otherwise refusing to talk badly of Pitt, the actress says she doesn't want to mimic the bitterness of her parents' divorce.
"I love Brad; I really love him. I will love him for the rest of my life," says Aniston. "I don't regret any of it, and I'm not going to beat myself up about it."
"The sad thing, for me, is the way it's been reduced to a Hollywood cliche -- or maybe it's just a human cliche."
Another false report, Aniston says, is her relationship with Vince Vaughn, her co-star in the upcoming movie "The Break Up."
"I like a lot of people, but I'm sooo not 'in like' with anybody."
Very smart, Jen! Keep the red-staters on your side! They'll all think you're a nice, regular girl and Angelina is a wanton hussy!
Then Jen ends with a bit of Humor Tinged With Bittersweet Regret:
Aniston also hasn't lost her sense of humor. On Pitt's recently dyed blond hair, she says, "Billy Idol called -- he wants his look back."
Kudos, milady, kudos! When I get divorced from my own gazillionaire movie god and am humiliated in the press for not wanting to have his baby, I hope to do as well as you. Well-played!
Next up, I want to remind everyone (with cable) not to forget the "One Small Reason To Keep On Living TV" that is airing tomorrow night. Yes, "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List" premieres Wednesday, Aug. 3 on Bravo, 10/9 central, right after her stand-up show, "Kathy Griffin Is Not Nicole Kidman." Yay!
Kathy is brash, shrill, annoying, grating, overly-surgered, and has built her whole career on trashing other celebrities--and I love her! She's like a female drag queen!
Her reality show is all about being down on the bottom of the Hollywood food chain and I cannot wait! Wheeeeeeeeeeee!
Kathy poses with another drag queen. She's the actual woman on the right in the wedding dress. I think.
And last, and definitely least, we have loathesome Fergie of The Black-Eyed Peas, who wet her pants onstage recently--and I couldn't be happier!
Gawker has the photographic evidence:
"Let's Get Retarded," indeed!