Thursday, August 11, 2005

All of Yesterday's News--Today!

Yes, now that I've had time to recuperate from "Wild on Tara," it is time to turn a bloodshot eye towards the two big non-news items that have come to light the last couple of days.

First up, what a shock! Courtney Love's "fainting spell" at the Roosevelt Hotel in L.A. a few weeks back was not due to a bad case of the vapors--unless you mean that super-special Lindsay Lohan brand of "exhaustion," snicker, snicker--as Ms. Love's drug test came back positive for some as-yet-unnamed narcotic, which, according to Page Six,
came as no surprise to anyone who attended the Comedy Central roast of Pamela Anderson Sunday night at the Sony Studios in L.A.

Love was "out of it" when she arrived.

On the red carpet, she slammed her head into a photographer's lens while posing for a close-up, a source said.

During the roast, Love, seated on the dais, repeatedly flashed her crotch at the crowd, pulled up her shirt to reveal a lacy black bra and shouted "Drugs on the house!"

She babbled incoherently into the microphone for ten minutes — prompting more than a few people to tell the rocker to be quiet.

After Love shouted, "I'm sober over a year now," host Jimmy Kimmel said, "If this is sober, there is a real problem."

One audience member snickered, "She makes Andy Dick look like a choirboy."

The roast will be televised Sunday at 10 p.m., but sources say Love's antics will "have to be cut. Even Comedy Central can't run most of what she did."

Love's manager didn't return calls.

OK, now I'm really pissed. First they cancel "Welcome to the Neighborhood," the horribly offensive reality show about not letting Mexican or gay people live in my hometown in Texas, and now the powers that be are denying me my God-given right to witness a full-blown Courtney Love drug-induced head-slamming, crotch-exposing public meltdown? Isn't that in the Constitution somewhere, right under "No state shall abridge the right of any individual to gleefully rejoice at Jude Law's affair with the nanny"? Why not just go ahead and deprive me of some more of my human rights, while you're at it, o puritannical tv killjoys? Why not take away my reason for living, AKA "Being Bobby Brown," or--gasp!--cancel my little bit of "Taradise," just because I like to get high on some primo, grade-A Reid! Doesn't the Geneva Convention mean anything anymore? What is this world coming to? What is happening to us as a people?

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A glimpse of what might have been....sigh.

The other big druggie news is the tearful reunion of Kate Moss and Pete Doherty. (Well, I assume it was tearful. I know that I wept a wee tear of gratitude.) Ireland Online reports that:
Pete Doherty and his on/off girlfriend Kate Moss are back together again, after the wayward rocker reportedly set fire to his bed to show the supermodel how much he loves her.

Babyshambles frontman Doherty most recently split with Moss after last month's Live 8 concert in London, during which he gave a widely criticised, shambolic performance.

And, following a week in which he was arrested for allegedly punching a British newspaper journalist, Doherty is said to have made a desperate cry for help by smashing up his guitar and setting a bed alight.

An insider tells British newspaper The Sun: "It's been a tough few weeks for Pete. He split with Kate, sacked his manager and got arrested for fighting a reporter.

"Things came to a head at the weekend. He was so frustrated he smashed up a guitar and set fire to his bed.

"Kate got to hear about it and let him come and stay. She still thinks she can sort out Pete and all his problems.
Wow. Setting a bed aflame is what brought Kate to her senses? She said to herself, "Ya know, it's that kind of dramatic gesture that says 'Husband Material' to me. Now that I think about it, maybe this is the time to bear his child! It would be just the thing to cheer him up, wot wot!" Or whatever.

Seriously, though: What the F? He sets the bed on fire to prove his love--and it worked? You know, I'm beginning to get just the beginning of an inkling that maybe these supermodels aren't very bright! Or is that just more of my crazy talk?

But the really good news is that I finally found a picture that does the happy couple justice:

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L'amour! Tourjours, l'amour...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Note to self: Start using the word "shambolic" more.

Terri R.