Wednesday, July 27, 2005

This Begs The Question: What Will Nicole Richie Do To Keep Up?

It doesn't seem humanly possible, but Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss are actually on a vacation together trying to lose weight. According to Critics and Monsters:
Super-skinny stars Kate Moss and Lindsay Lohan are reportedly enjoying a weight loss weekend at an exclusive spa.

The pair, along with Kate's best friend, Jude Law's ex wife Sadie Frost, are said to have signed up for the special "cleansing package" at a health resort in Thailand.

The package starts with a three-day fast, which is followed by a strict diet of health food and exercise including pilates, t'ai chi classes and a tough training regime in the gym.

Meanwhile, Lindsay has quashed rumours she has an eating disorder and has blamed her fluctuating weight on puberty.

The sexy actress, who sparked concern last month after reportedly collapsing at her gym, also claims she started to lose the pounds after she turned 18 and decided to give up junk food.

She revealed: "I haven't been on a crash diet. I'm growing up and I just went through puberty a year ago - I'm 18 years old, give me a break."

Jesus. Give me a break, Ms. Lohan! If I recall correctly, when I went through puberty, I gained 10 pounds, sulked a lot, got a pimple or 100, and told my mother she "just didn't understand" on a daily basis--but I don't remember transforming overnight into a skanky, anorexic, overly-blonde, shake-n-bake, alien-look-alike 'ho. Although that just might be my faulty memory.

Seriously, though, what "extra" body weight can any of these people afford to lose? A kidney? White blood cells? I wonder if this so-called "spa" is really some kind of organ-harvesting center. There is simply no other explanation! Lindsay could maybe sell off her eyeballs and spleen (together that's probably 4 pounds or so) and Kate could, perhaps, lose a few inches by getting by on one lung (although she is a very heavy smoker, so maybe not). Sadie might be able to spare her uterus or an ovary, as she's got three hundred children already.

My only hope is that all three of these women gets caught trying to smuggle out heroin and are sent to some kind of "Brokedown Palace"/"Midnight Express" nightmarish Thai prison. A girl can dream, can't she?

Here's an "after photo" of one of the three dieting ladies:

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Bon appetit!

2 comments:

chepo said...

THAT IS FOUL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pete.Moss said...

Not really. What this begs is the question: "Who cares if the rich girl eats or not?" Some of us do have live that exist beyond such tripe. Perhaps Dr. Drew cares, though he looks like he could eat a horse any old time he appears on the boob tube.

-Pete Moss