Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Sienna Takes To Her Bed; Pacino Takes To Rose McGowan

Word from across the pond is that Sienna Miller, cuckolded fiancee of randy, mumsy-lovin' Jude Law, is taking a leave from her role in "As You Like It" so--I can only assume--she can sob bitter tears into her pillow, throw mobile phones at her cowering assistants, and generally fall to pieces:
Heartbroken actress Sienna Miller is taking time out from her run in London's West End, following her fiance Jude Law's confessed to cheated on her with his children's nanny.

The "Alfie" beauty courageously appeared on stage at the Wyndham's Theatre's production of As You Like It on Monday night, giving a sterling performance as Celia - but she broke down in tears at the end of the show when audience members showed their support for her.

A notice outside the theatre yesterday informed ticket holders that Miller would be replaced by her understudy Denise Gough, and the show's producers have no idea when she will return.

Director David Lan explains Miller's break from performing, "One of the reasons is that she's had rather a rough time with her private life being under such scrutiny."
... A friend tells British newspaper the Daily Mirror, "She can't face the world. The full implications of Jude's betrayal have now hit home. She's in bits. It's like there's been a death in the family."

Oh, for God's sake, Sienna! It's not like it's the end of the world! You still have your fabulous talent and fashion sense to fall back on and--oh, wait. Yeah. I see what you mean. Never mind!

Anyhoo, you really musn't fall apart. Take a tip from Jude's craaaazy ex-wife Sadie Frost and start sticking needles into your own "Naughty Nanny" Voodoo Doll or something! Put a curse on her! Start a very expensive cheeky underpants line with your name on it! Or, best of all, find someone who looks like a much younger version of Jude and shag his brains out! Just close your eyes and think of Daisy. Sometimes two Wrights make a Wrong!

In the mean time, Sienna's "mum" has finally broken her silence (oh, how we have waited anxiously for this moment! ok, not really). According to Sky News:
Sienna Miller's mum says she doesn't know if her daughter will take back cheating fiance Jude Law.

The American-born actress has been spotted without her £20,000 engagement ring on as shamed Jude desperately tries to woo her back after the affair with his children's nanny.

And Josephine Miller has revealed that Sienna has been "too angry" to cry since the story broke...

Grim-faced Sienna had arrived at the Wyndhams Theatre without her sparkler. She is said to be "incandescent with anger" over Jude's fling with Daisy Wright.

Ex-model Josephine said: "It is anger and betrayal.

"Not in a million years would we have suspected that he would have done that.

"I can't comment on whether they will stay together. The least said the quicker it might be mended.

Wow. "Icandescent with anger," I'll have to remember that one. It's like her mum is saying "she's even more gorgeous when enraged." Well-played, Sienna's mum. Well-played! (As opposed to my mom, who might say something along the lines of, "She's never looked worse. She's got snot coming down her face, her eyes are red and puffy, and she can't stop shoveling huge hunks of Cherry Garcia ice cream down her gullet with her bare hands.") Maybe I can use this description myself some time: "I'm sorry Cingular, but this outrageous cell phone bill you sent me has made me incandescent with anger! I am so mad that I am actually getting prettier with every passing second! I am so pissed off that I have become the most beautiful woman in the world! Now good day, Sir. I said good day!"

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Sienna and her mum. Note that incandescent anger! HOTT!

On this side of the Atlantic, it has really turned into the dog days of summer. It is sticky, uncomfortable, and gross--much like doing it with the star of "Dog Day Afternoon, " Al Pacino! How's that for a nice transition, eh?

What am I babbling about? Well, according to Page Six, Rose "Worst Taste In Men EVER" McGowan is having a torrid affair with the Great Scenerey Chewer himself:
HOO-ha! Al Pacino, 65, is said to be romancing "Charmed" actress Rose McGowan, 31.

A spy tells Us Weekly that McGowan, whose first date with Pacino was at Mortons in L.A., "thought he was too old for her at first, but . . . Al won her over."

Pacino is no stranger to beguiling much-younger Hollywood hotties. A few weeks ago, he went on a date with newly single former supermodel Elle Macpherson and reportedly hooked up with Winona Ryder several years ago.

Wow. I just read a ginormous puff piece about Elle Macpherson in my latest edition of Vanity Fair, and it was all about her perfect body, perfect children, perfect skin, and perfect marriage! Huh. It's enough to make me slightly suspicious of the Hollywood p.r. machine! I never thought I'd see the day!

Anyway, w.t.f.? How does Al do it? I thought he was kinda cute when he was chubby Michael Corleone in the first "Godfather," but he quickly morphed into a skinny dude, then into a shrieking skinny dude, and eventually into a very old shrieking skinny dude with obviously dyed hair. He really, really creeps me out these days.

And Winona Ryder? My God, woman! Is there any member of the cast or crew of "Donnie Brasco" that you haven't shtupped?

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Is this, like your kleptomania, a cry for help, Winona?

(By the way, check out Johnny Depp's hair in this poster. Did they color it in with crayons or what? Is the French movie poster industry out to get Johnny for some reason? I thought they loved him over there! Curiouser and curiouser...)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Mum never dreamed he would cheat on her. I guess she didn't notice that he started sleeping with her daughter while he was married to someone else.