Thursday, July 07, 2005

Just Because I'm Paranoid Doesn't Mean They Aren't All Out To Get Me

Whispers of a conspiracy are afoot...danger lurks everywhere...this blog may be being monitored...

What am I rambling on about? Just this: That there is a growing number of like-minded individuals who believe that last night's finale of "Dancing With the Stars" was rigged. A set-up. That the fix was in. J. Peterman never even had a chance.

Ask yourself: Who had the motive? Who had the ability? Who had the money? Who had the opportunity?

Well, obviously, it's the Freemasons.

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But if you dig a little deeper, you find that behind the Freemasons is an even more secretive, mysterious, and powerful entitity with far more to gain from these evil-doings...and that entity is the American Broadcasting Company, aka ABC, aka "The Real Power in America," aka "The Big Boys," aka "Monaco's Home Network."

Yes, that's right...slutty, no-talent, cloddish, top-heavy oaf Kelly Monaco appears on a little soap opera called "General Hospital," which is aired on...you guessed it, ABC. The pieces of the puzzle all fall into place: The "struggles" Monaco faced in the beginning to overcome her complete lack of grace or ability. The ratings-grabbing finale between the "favorite"--John O'Hurley, who, by the way, was best known for playing "J. Peterman" on "Seinfeld" on NBC!--versus the "underdog" (emphasis on dog)--ABC's own Ms. Monaco. ABC had everything to gain and nothing to lose! It all makes sense!

I mean, please: THREE PERFECT TENS from the judges? It is absurd. It is an insult not only to our intelligence but to the hard work of ballroom dancers everywhere. How much did they pay you for that "10," Judge Bruno Tonioli?--if that is your real name. How much did they pay you for a piece of your very soul? I bet you can buy a lot of spandex dance costumes with all that filthy lire, you dirty, lying, Eurotrash cheater!

Say it ain't so, Bruno. Say it ain't so.

All I want is a Special Prosecutor to investigate this case. To report to Congress, the FCC, and We, The American People about this terrible crime, and to bring justice to those who committed it.

I demand answers!

Justice!

And Kelly Monaco's ugly, mealy-mouthed, head on a plate!

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