Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Clodfoot Monaco's Arrogance Knows No Bounds

Warning, John "J. Peterman" O'Hurley: You just got served by a tacky, soulless soap star with fake boobs! Ooooh, I bet you're just quivering with fear!

Yes, Friend of Felt Up Terri. R. just sent in this report from CNN in which graceless fool Kelly "Top-Heavy Talentless Slut" Monaco, whose bogus win on "Dancing With The Stars" was most likely rigged by her home network ABC, totally challenges O'Hurley to a dance-off:
Earlier Tuesday at the critics' meeting, ABC Entertainment President Stephen McPherson was grilled about Monaco's victory and viewer perceptions of possible ABC influence.

"Do I understand it? I guess I understand that people are going to have strong preferences. I love that people are so wrapped up in the show," he said.

He suggested the possibility of a "dance-off" between Monaco and O'Hurley. When a reporter asked Monaco about it later, she replied: "Bring it on. You want a dance-off, come on up here. I'll give you a dance-off."

Oh, no she didn't! Beyotch. God, how I hate her. I hate, hate, hate her!

The only thing I'm glad to see is that this important issue has leapt from the blogs to the pages of my beloved Star to the "legitimate" news media! Keep the pressure on, people! And if Monaco is crazy enough to throw down with O'Hurley in a dance-off, she better bring it, because O'Hurley will wipe the floor with her too-tan ass!

In other non-news, Sienna Miller has reportedly ended her relationship with Jude "Breakin' The" Law in the wake of Nannygate, according to WENN:
Heartbroken actress Sienna Miller has reportedly ended her eight-month engagement with Jude Law, telling the actor she never wants to see him again...

After taking off her engagement ring last week, Miller has apparently told Law there is no chance of a reconciliation, reports British newspaper The Sun.

A friend of the couple says, "Jude is desperate to see Sienna so they can talk things through - but she point-blank refuses to see him. She is too angry to forgive him. She's told him in on uncertain terms that she never wants to see him again."

Yesterday, Miller invited Law's All The King's Men co-star Sean Penn and his wife Robin Wright Penn to watch her perform in the London West End production of Shakespeare's As You Like It, before dining together at J Sheekey's fish restaurant.

Hmmm. Interesting. What does it mean that Sienna took Sean "Rhymes With Ron Lenn" Penn and his wife to dinner, after the rumors that she "hooked up" with "a married co-star" on the New Orleans set of "All The King's Men"? Frankly, I have no idea.

In the mean time, Page Six's lead story today accused Sienna of carrying a torch for an ex-boyfriend while she was with Jude:
While Jude Law was doing the nasty with the nanny, Sienna Miller...was making time with her ex, male model David Neville.

One topic they're said to have discussed was nude photos of Miller and Neville that vanished after a burglary at his London flat.

A friend of Neville tells us he and Miller stayed in constant contact while she was hot and heavy with Law. "She would text message David all the time," the pal notes, "saying things like, 'I'm on the beach with Jude but I'm heartbroken, I miss you and I can't stop thinking about you . . . This feels wrong.' "

Miller dated Neville, an "Adonis-like" former investment banker who now co-owns hipster clothing company Rag & Bone, for two years between 2001 and 2003, and they lived together in London's Notting Hill.

They broke up shortly after Miller met Law and she asked Neville to move out, but they stayed close. Last summer, Law reportedly blew up at Miller for continuing to cozy up to Neville in Law's absence.

We're also told Neville has a stash of nude shots of himself and Miller, and nude shots of her, some of which went missing when his London apartment was burgled a few months back. The photos are still at large.

"David was freaking out," our source says. "He had to call and tell Sienna about it. She was hysterical because her career was just taking off at that point, and he was worried about his image, as well"...

Regarding Neville, Miller once told an interviewer: "Our relationship lasted two years, but I'm quite resilient. I haven't allowed myself to wallow in self-pity. I adore Dave, but I'm growing up and I need some space."

Yes, Sienna, dear, it's nice to hear that you didn't allow yourself to "wallow in self-pity," when you dumped your "Adonis-like" male model boyfriend for Jude Law. It must have been a really, really rough time! I'm starting to love that Naughty Nanny more and more every day!

The only picture I could find of this "Adonis" was a teeny-tiny thumbnail from a Sienna Miller fan page (apparently, she actually has fans!):

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The Post then wondered if Miller was messin' about with Orlando Bloom:
Meanwhile, Miller seems to be seeking solace in the arms of Bloom, another ex whom she dated briefly in 2001 before she took up with Neville.

They were photographed together at a polo tournament in England on Sunday, where one guest reportedly remarked to Miller, "Jude's a [bleep]." "I know," she responded.

I really can't keep up with all this. They're all shagging like fiends over there in jolly olde England. Is it the fear of terrorist bombings? Or just randy Brits running amok? Hard to say, hard to say...

In more personal Felt Up news, the public has demanded photos of my Corgi wearing his cone (which was funny at first, until I realized the non-stop crying, bumping into walls, and getting stuck in furniture for 10 days wasn't all that amusing), so here is one, courtesy of C.P.:

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He looks miserable, but at least he made it through his surgery with no problems and should be on his way to a full and happy life sin huevos (as Terri R. put it so succinctly).

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

more corgi cone pics please!

Terri R.