Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Blind Items--Like Paris Hilton--So Easy They Insult Your Intelligence

Not a whole lot of fun, juicy non-news today. I guess the long weekend just saps all the celebs so they don't have the energy they need to provide us with a really top quality meltdown/breakdown/hissy fit. Sigh.

So here's what I do have...From WENN, a report that P-Hole Hilton is like, totally going to look into the issues raised by Live 8, a'ight bitches?
Hotel heiress Paris Hilton is so ashamed she attended London's Live 8 gig on Saturday even though she knows little about African poverty, she's vowed to study the issues while planning her forthcoming wedding.

Scissor Sister Ana Matronic slammed Hilton for attending the concert without understanding its key aim of persuading leaders of the eight largest industrial nations to cancel debt in the developing world, double the aid budget and rewrite global trade laws.

But Hilton insists she will make amends by reading about it while she's preparing for her marriage to Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis.

She says, "It's such a great cause. It makes you realize how fortunate we are. I want to get more involved in this cause, so I'm going to read all the newspapers while I'm in Athens planning my wedding."

Oh, for f**k's sake, P-Hole. Don't even give lip service to this, OK? (We all know what kind of lip service you're really good at, anyway. Heh.) How dare you insult our intelligence like this? Like the whole world is going to join in unison, singing your praises, for being so sincere: "Oh, that nice Hilton girl is going to 'read all the newspapers' while planning her big fat Greek wedding? That's amazing! What a dedicated, hard-working, caring creature she is! So concerned with poverty and easing African debt and whatnot that she's actually reading! Let's make her a UN Goodwill Ambassador as soon as possible--because, I mean, gee whiz: She's reading! Wowee!"

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And you know she is so not going to read a goddamn thing--except maybe her own mentions in Page Six.

Speaking of Page Six, they ran some very unblind "blind items" today.
First up, they ask:
Which newlywed husband of a TV personality dropped her off at an award show, then went on a tour of gay bars in L.A.? What he didn't realize was that the limo driver had to keep a list of every stop — and that when network execs got the limo bill, the list "looked like a Yellow Page ad of gay bars."

Hmmmm....this is about as difficult as finding a Bear-loving leather man at Probe (The Nightclub For Gentlemen) in West Hollywood...but I may have cracked this particularly tough nut.

And then they query:
Which leading man landed his fiancée by giving her a five-year contract for $10 million? Now, she's giving an Oscar-worthy performance acting as if she's really in love with him
When did the figure go up to $10 million? I've heard $7, then $8, and now we're up to $10. And everyone I talk to thinks she is getting ripped off. That she deserves--at minimum--$50 million for being a legally-wed beard with no chance for true love or happiness. Who could we be referring to? I wonder...

Odd how the two "blind" items are linked together, as if they had made some unholy deal with the Devil...yes, very odd indeed.

Or is it?

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