Monday, June 20, 2005

The Squirt Heard 'Round The World

Just when you thought life couldn't get any sweeter--after this weekend's bottle attack on Leo "Fathead" DiCaprio, I mean--we get news that the "man" who puts the Tom into TomKat was squirted in the face with a water-filled fake microphone in London! According to WENN:
Four people have been arrested after Tom Cruise was squirted with water from a bogus microphone at the London premiere of "War Of The Worlds" last night.

Cruise attended the red carpet screening with fiancee Katie Holmes, and spent time speaking to fans outside Leicester Square's Odeon cinema before giving interviews to attending journalists.

But he was left drenched by the unexpected attack planned by the film crew shooting footage for an upcoming British comedy show featuring practical jokes played on celebrities.

The visibly shocked movie star struggled to keep his cool as he stood with his face, hair and jacket soaked with water - and he could not refrain from repeatedly referring to the microphone-wielding interviewer as a "jerk".

Before the man was led away by cinema security staff, Cruise said to him, "That's incredibly rude. I'm here giving you an interview and you do that, it's incredibly rude."

A police spokesperson has confirmed four people have been arrested on suspicion of assault.

After drying himself off, a composed Cruise returned to spend a further hour mixing with his fans.

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Love comes in squirts...(via the WOW Report)

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...and post-squirt towel-off by lackey (via CNN)

Terri R. and I were sitting in a Gatti's Buffet (as is our wont) when the CNN report came on about this incident, and since the sound was turned down, all we could see was the headline: "Cruise Squirted." With no other information to go on, we naturally surmised that Tom had finally proved his undying love for Katie Holmes by "squirting" her on national television with his "love juice" (which, of course, would have been taken from a willing pubescent Scientologist boy and smuggled into a Whizzinator-style device, because there's no way on Earth that Tom Cruise could produce his own "squirt" for a human--especially not a human woman). Sadly, we were mistaken, but the water-in-the-face thing is still pretty damn good.

The only people I hold in higher esteem than the Cruise squirters right now are the college kids who throw pies in the faces of people like Ann "Women Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote" Coulter. My proverbial hat is off to all these merry pranksters who take the pompous jackasses of the world down a notch or two. Yep, those guys are very deserving of our thanks and admiration--them and the lady who cut Leo with a bottle. Oh, and, like, all the humanitarian aid workers in Darfur and stuff, of course. You guys rule! Huzzahs all around!

1 comment:

chepo said...

It looks like jizz. I was watching a "behind the scenes" thing of a porn photo shoot (don't ask) and when it came time to apply the "jizz", it was revealed that said man juice was a mixture of karo syrup and powdered sugar.