Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Love Is A Many-Splendored Thing

Rapidly disappearing Nicole Richie wants a simple, down-to-earth wedding ceremony and reception for her holy, sacred nuptials to former fattie/ gastric-bypass survivor Adam Goldstein AKA DJ AM, according to WENN:
Simple Life star Nicole Richie has a number of outrageous wishes for her upcoming wedding to Adam Goldstein - including elephant rides, swans, horse-drawn carriages and salsa dancing.

The daughter of soul legend Lionel Richie is reportedly in conflict with her DJ fiance, who is disgusted by her flamboyant plans and is desperate for a more modest ceremony instead.

The 23-year-old is disappointed by her future husband's lack of enthusiasm: "I want elephant rides and swans. He wants, like five people at our wedding - our close friends and family only."

What a jerk! Nicole should be able to have all the elephants, swans, horse-drawn-carriages, and salsa dancing she wants! If she wants to arrive at the ceremony nude on a white horse like Lady Godiva, let her do it!

Don't you understand what's going on, Mr. DJ? She is in competition with Paris and Paris! You are all getting hitched around the same time and there is bad blood! Lindsay Lohan's respect is at stake. Nicole must to out-do Paris! Or she will wither and die even faster than her current rate of alleged anorexic/drug-addicted decline!

If P-P get two swans, three ducks, a pony, six chihuahuas, a dress with a 35-foot train, the O-Jays and a chocolate fountain, then Nicole wants three swans, four ducks, two ponies painted pink, about a dozen chihuahuas in matching tutus, a dress with a 40-foot train carried by midget attendants, the Commodores and the Spinners (she would've gotten the Commodores to reunite anyway because of Lionel), a flowing river of chocolate, and salsa dancing. DUH. Welcome to your life, Adam Goldstein!

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The tasteful horse-drawn carriage.

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The flower girl.

Pretty normal, so far. Now, here's where the girls really throw down:

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Paris' pathetic, lonely elephant.

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Nicole's elephants, hells yeah!

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Paris and Paris' measly two swans with their chicks.

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Nicole's swan-a-rama! Take that, beyotch!

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Paris' teensy tiny little chocolate fountain.

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VS. Nicole's river of chocolate! Uh-huh!

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I will see your O'Jays, Madame...

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...and raise you The Spinners AND...

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...The Commodores, you stupid whore!

And the icing on the cake:
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Fiery hot and passionate salsa dancing!

"What do you think, Linds? Who's your bff, now, ho? Yeah, I thought so. Paris can have Kimberly Stewart and Tara Reid. I know, I know: Ewwwwww!

Now, I said good day, Paris. I said good-day!"

1 comment:

chepo said...

Another winner!!!!