Thursday, June 02, 2005

I Think I Smell A Rat

Jack White of The White Stripes and superwaify British model Karen Elson were supposedly married in Brazil on a canoe by a shaman, according to MTV News:
The band's publicist confirmed a posting on, which read, in part: "Karen Elson and Jack White were married yesterday (June 1) on the confluence of three rivers — the Rio Negro, the Solimones and the Amazon ... by a traditional shaman priest on a canoe at the exact point where the three rivers met. ... The ceremony was immediately followed by a blessing by a priest at a Catholic cathedral called Igreja Matric. This was the first marriage for both newlyweds."

White Stripes manager Ian Montone served as White's best man, while Stripes drummer Meg White was Elson's maid of honor. If Elson looks a bit familiar to Stripes fans, well, perhaps they've caught a glimpse of the band's new video, "Blue Orchid," which features Elson as a ghostly apparition in ultra-high heels."

Gee, would Jack "Faux Brother of Ex-Wife Meg" White ever pull a crazy, compeletly fake, marriage-related publicity stunt mere days before their new album is released? My innocence has been shattered! Say it ain't so, Jackie, say it aint' so!

On the other hand, revenge is a dish best served cold...
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All right, Squinty McBonyass, I'll see your Virgin Island beach nuptials and raise you three sacred rivers, Brazil, a canoe, a shaman, and Meg White as maid of honor! Ha, ha, and HA!

If I were a guy, I think I'd rather be married to Karen Elson--because as a girl, I damn well know I'd rather stick a fork in my eye than be married to Kenny "I'm Balding As Fast As I Can" Chesney. Or Squinty McBonyass, for that matter.


Anonymous said...

Had never heard of Karen Elson before reading you post. From the photo you linked to, she seems to have the same proportions of Squinty McBoneyass (minus the squinty part).

White Stripes? White Yikes!

erica said...

Why is it these celebs date forever and then dont get break up and marry someone they have known for 3 months?? I think Jack is pulling a Mick Jagger and will split with his bride and leave her with zilch because they married in a canoe and she will have no legal rights to his dough. Just a thought..