Tuesday, June 21, 2005

He Puts The "Butt" in Butterscotch

It is way, way, way past my bed time, but I just had to get this in so all you workin' nine-to-five-ers can have a little treat waiting for you when you get to the office. What is so urgently important, you may ask? Only this, the best "blind item" ever put into print since the Dawn of Time. From, naturally, the NY Post's Page Six column, which asks, not very coyly:
Which blond stud, nicknamed the "Butterscotch Stallion," has a perverse sexual bent? He recently picked up a girl at a wedding and the two went back to his hotel room. When the woman asked if he had a condom, the actor replied: "I don't want to have sex with you, but I do want to do something else" — and proceeded to lick her buttocks for "over two hours."

I say, Page Six, it's not really a "blind item" if you put the person's nickname in it, for God's sake! And surely everyone knows who the "Butterscotch Stallion" is, right? Well, just in case you don't, it's none other than Owen Wilson. I believe it was Gawker.com which bestowed the every-day-more-appropriate moniker on the stripper-lovin', butt-lickin' blonde Texan studmuffin.

Jesus. Two hours? It seems like the good times might start to wane a little after about 20 minutes. Even the velvet tongue of the "Butterscotch Stallion" might chafe after a while...

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In other non-use you can't really use, it seems that Lindsay Lohan has moved on to, if not bigger or brighter, at least sillier pastures on the dating front. According to Page Six:
She's already dated bubble-gum popster Aaron Carter, and now it looks like Lindsay Lohan has been hooking up with a bona fide rocker. Our snitches say the 18-year-old superstar has been discreetly dating Diego Garcia, hunky lead singer of local buzz band Elefant. Garcia, an Argentinian-born Brown grad, is known for his onstage lothario act. While opening for stellastarr* at the Bowery Ballroom a while back, he told the sold-out crowd, "I have now impregnated each and every one of you."

Hee-hee, I can't help it, that line made me giggle. Let's take a look-see at Lindsay's new herpes virus victim, shall we?

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Hmmm. Not too shabby, Hohan! Although I admit that I have an ingrained distrust of all scarf-wearing Brown graduates who front "rock" bands, I suppose he is better than Fez, at least. But then again, who isn't? Besides Carrot Top, I mean.

I'm sorry. It's 2:30 am, and I can't resist a Carrot Top reference! I'm slap-happy! The Butterscotch Stallion licked someone's ass for two hours! Two hours!

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