Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Aliens in the Universe and At The Gym

Now this is just plain silly. CNN is running a "top story" that:
Hollywood actor Tom Cruise not only battles creatures from outer space in his latest film "War of the Worlds", he also believes aliens exist, he told a German newspaper on Wednesday.

Asked in an interview with the tabloid daily Bild if he believed in aliens, Cruise said: "Yes, of course. Are you really so arrogant as to believe we are alone in this universe?

"Millions of stars, and we're supposed to be the only living creatures? No, there are many things out there, we just don't know," Cruise, 42, said in the interview published in German.

Those crazy Krauts! Asking a Scientologist whether they believe in aliens is like asking a Roman Catholic if the pope s**ts in the woods: Offensive, overly easy, and hysterically funny! Of course, if the Scientologists weren't so damn secretive about their "religion," then poor German reporters wouldn't have to ask such obvious questions. Not that there's anything wrong with Scientology, once again!

(I want to live! Please don't hurt me, Scientologists, or my family, I beg you! Aliens? Sure, I'm not so arrogant as to believe we are alone in this universe! Aliens implanted bad thoughts in my soul? Of course! An alien named Xenu once ruled the galaxy and opressed free spirtis? Duh! How could any sane person be so arrogant as to not believe that? Makes sense to me! BECAUSE I WANT TO LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY!)

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In other unsurpsing non-news, is reporting that Lindsay Lohan collapsed during a workout, probably due to an excess of youthful vitality and energy:
Super-skinny star Lindsay Lohan prompted yet more fears for her health after she reportedly collapsed at her LA gym.

The "Mean Girls" star was halfway through an hour-long spinning sesh when she became pale and began gasping for breath.

She stumbled off her bike and then collapsed, say Heat magazine.

"Everybody was shocked," one witness said.

"Lindsay wasn't moving and she appeared to be unconscious."

Thankfully her quick-thinking gym partner Kimberly Stewart and staff at the LA's Body and Soul gym soon brought her around.

The drama ended after a few minutes, when a pale and woozy Lindsay assured onlookers she was fine.

But the incident has sparked fears that her fitness regime was dangerous for her health.

In the last six months, the Freaky Friday star has been losing weight dramatically.

Wow. That is just soooooo L.A.: Working out in an hour-long "spinning sesh" with Jennifer Aniston-basher Kimberly Stewart (really, Ms. Stewart, the person with the hideous horse face should not cast the first "Jen Anniston is homely" stone, it is rather unseemly) at her side. Yada yada yada health concerns blah blah blah dangerous "fitness regime," whatever. The girl is clearly, obviously, and (I must for my own protection say) allegedly anorexic or on drugs or both, it's that simple!

Get thee to a sandwichry, Miss Lohan! Take a look at yourself!

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Carbs are your friends. Look into it!

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