Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The Adventures of Superhead, Slut to the Stars!

Yay! A new "tell-all book" by a "video star"/whore is coming out and the previews are in! The cover is kind of amateurish, though:

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The New York Daily News has the high (or low) lights from Karrine "Superhead" Steffans' "Confessions of a Video Vixen":
Widely known as "Superhead" (no doubt because of her large cranium), Steffans doesn't hold back when it comes to dishing about her famous lovers. The video-eye-candy-turned-author claims:

"Shaquille O'Neal "was charmingly self-effacing about his sexual prowess and wanted to reduce my expectations," she writes. But "compared to other men," she assures readers, "he was nothing to complain about." She says that Shaq was so impressed with Steffans that, the day after meeting her, he deposited $10,000 into her bank account.

A small part in "A Man Apart" allowed Steffans to discover that star
Vin Diesel was "a beautiful man ... blessed with an enviable eight-pack and an even more enviable [bleep]."

After hearing so much about Fred Durst's stature, she gushed, "to actually hold him ... felt like a privilege."

Sex with "insatiable" producer Irv Gotti "became more like a boxing match." During their affair, Steffans claims, Gotti lent her to his friends as he saw fit.

After inviting her to his home at 4 a.m., Sean (P. Diddy) Combs kicked his manservant Fonzworth Bentley out of a guest bedroom so he and Steffans could spend 15 minutes making love. "You're one of the best," she says P. Diddy told her. Steffans writes: "I said the same to him, when, in actuality, he was average." Ouch.

Steffans says she got around to Whitney Houston's husband, Bobby Brown, in late 2002. Steffans says she never saw him do drugs. But she worried for his mental health during a frantic encounter where "he told me he was a member of Al Qaeda and that President Bush was looking for him."

She made Ja Rule promise to "always come back." But after he slipped out one morning before she woke up, "I looked around for something to take with me, something that would smell like him but wouldn't be missed. On the floor I found a balled-up sock, and I placed it to my face and got the fix I was searching for." Sniff.

Steffans also tells the whole story of her back-of-the-limo tryst with Usher.

OK, there's a lot of dense information presented here, so I'm going to try and break this down into a simple declarative sentence we can all understand: Superhead Steffans is craaaaaaaaaazy!

Doing it with Fred Durst was "a privilege"? She took Ja Rule's smelly sock as a sexual memento? She had sex with Bobby Brown? And P. Diddy? (How rude that poor Fonzworth Bentley didn't even get to stick around for the sexcapades! All that umbrella holding for P. Diddy and he's cast aside like yesterday's ascot. Very sad.) I shudder at these thoughts. I want them removed from my head! Where's an e-meter when you really need one?

I think even Tom Cruise would say this woman needs psychiatric help. OK, maybe not Tom Cruise, but probably Brooke Shields! The only person on her hit parade who doesn't make me want to vomit is Vin Diesel, although I'm not quite sure what his "bleep" is or why it is so enviable. Why must the Daily News be so coy?

And you know what the kicker is? I found a picture of Superhead on the internets, and she's not even very cute!

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See what I mean? I guess stars will take whatever they can get, just like everybody else...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I know this post is really old but your a fool for writing this!Make sure your hands are clean before you judge people. I know you did some really fucked up shit in your life. It was sex, men have been doing the same thing to woman. When a woman does it she's a 'HOE', when a man does it then he's the MAN!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. More power to her.