Tuesday, May 10, 2005

You Had Me At "Holy Crap Renee Zellweger Is Crazy"

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Apparently Renee Zellweger's eyes are so squinty that she has finally lost her sight. And her mind:
(CNN) -- Actress Renee Zellweger and country music star Kenny Chesney -- who met in January at a tsunami relief benefit -- were married Monday on the resort island St. John in the U.S. Virgin Islands.

A spokesperson for Zellweger confirmed the pair tied the knot on the resort island, with the bride wearing a Caroline Herrerra dress for the 15-minute ceremony on the beach.

Zellweger, 36, and Chesney, 37, met at the Concert of Hope tsunami relief event in January, and fans first learned of the romance April 29 when she brought him an on-stage margarita -- and a kiss -- at a concert in Jacksonville, Florida.

It's the first marriage for both, although each star has come close to tying the knot. Zellweger was engaged to actor Jim Carrey, and Chesney reportedly called off an engagement in 1999, just weeks before the wedding.


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Seriously, has the lack of caloric intake affected her judgment? The list of horrors is endless: Jim Carrey! Jack White! And now she's run off and married KENNY CHESNEY after five months? Who is next in her line of ever-devolving grotesquerie of lovahs--Fred Durst? A dude from Insane Clown Posse? Pauly Shore? Toby Keith? How far will she sink?

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Will she end up at rock bottom--Mrs. Carrot Top?
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"You're next, baby!"

(I know I just mentioned Carrot Top in a recent post. But I have a hard time coming up with any celebrity more repulsive. I regret the lack of inspiration, but not the sentiment.

If anyone has a nomination for More Physically Repellent Star Than Carrot Top, please e-mail or post in comments. Thank you for your understanding and support.)

5 comments:

aaronwinslow said...

The heart wants what the heart wants. N'est-ce pas?

jennifer said...

Mais oui. And the heart doesn't know from logic.

And Renee Zellweger is still a squinty-eyed anorexic loony-tune.

Greg said...

Nothing like the feel-good humanitarianism of a tsunami benefit to fan the flames of incongruous celebrity romance.

chepo said...

He looks like a contestant on american idol or survivor. maybe he can convince her to go back to her old job at Sugars.

Anonymous said...

Her eyes are squinty because is part Sami aka Lapplander,