Monday, May 02, 2005

Up With Chuck!

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Not much to post today, I'm afraid, as my whole family is in a tizzy over the addition of our newest Corgi pup. He is 10 weeks old and named Chuck, after my mother's favorite actor, the late, great Charles Bronson. I'll post pictures as soon as possible!

In the gossip world, Katie Holmes is apparently a 26-year-old virgin, which may go a long, long way explaining her relationship with Tom "I'm Not Gaying As Fast As I Can" Cruise. He may have finally found the perfect beard--someone he doesn't even have to pretend to have sex with! And he found her in Hollywood! I bet he was about one step away from travelling on a Scientology jet to some remote, faraway continent to find a sacrificial virgin to have a sexless, loveless marriage of convenience with him to protect his sacred career--oh, wait. Duh. He already did that! I think her native name was something like "Nicole."

Oh, and Awful Plastic Surgery has this great "before-and-after" picture of the much-discussed new blonde-haired, blown-up-lip look of Lindsay Lohan, which is always a sure-fire winner on an 18-year-old:

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Doesn't she look so much better now? Hurrah! Maybe teenage girls all across America will immediately run to the doctor to demand their own Meg Ryan, Jr. lip injections! Thanks, Linds, you're the bestest inspiration!

By the way, Ms. Lohan insists her new look is the result of using Lip Venom "lip-plumping" gloss. I call b.s., because I have used Lip Venom. Lip Venom was a friend of mine. And those are no Lip Venom lips! The best you can hope for with that stuff is an approximately 1 millimeter bigger lip that lasts about ten seconds. It is tingly and shiny and naughty-feeling, which is reason enough to use it, but that trout pout did not come from a tube--unless that tube contained leftover sillicone from Ms. Lohan's boob job, perhaps.

So say I, amateur lip gloss expert and unlicensed armchair cosmetic surgery diagnosticican!

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