Friday, May 06, 2005

A Tale of Two Titties, By Dickinson

My love for Janice Dickinson grows deeper, day by day. When she's not having Botox injections, recalling her many, many stints in rehab, flashing her nipple, talking with loving admiration about Jon Lovitz' penis, or forcing Tyra Banks to make-out with her on "America's Next Top Model," she's filming the new season of "The Surreal Life," which means she is living the Felt Up American Dream.

Page Six had this little tidbit about her today, and thank God, because a day without Janice is like a day without sunshine (acid):
Janice Dickinson is still ripping Omarosa, her co-star on "The Surreal Life."

The orginal supermodel was overheard at Mortons in L.A. saying, "When I first saw Omarosa, I thought it was Rick James. I thought it was Mr. Ed on crack. She makes Naomi Campbell look like Mother Teresa."

This can all be a tad confusing, I know, because Janice tends to throw out names like mardi gras beads, so to help all you poor souls who don't live inside the mind of Janice Dickinson, here's a handy visual guide:

Mr. Rick James, legendary singer of "Superfreak":
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Ms. Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, reviled contestant on the first "Apprenctice":
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Also, since she is 73 years old, it is sometimes difficult to get Janice's more retro references:

Mr. Ed:
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Crack:
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I tend to get my female celebs mixed up, but I'm pretty sure this is Naomi Campbell:
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So this must be Mother Theresa. She was a lot more fun than people give her credit for. Prettier, too:
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Hope that straightens things out for everyone!

Page Six also ran this item about a new shocking, titillating expose of the poor, desperate wannabe actors who slowly degrade their self-worth and dignity day-by-humiliating-day by dressing up in hot, uncomfortable Disney character costumes and letting small children barf on them:
The suits at Disney corporate communications are straining their mouse ears to hear more about Radar magazine's upcoming expose of the bad behavior of the costumed characters at Disneyland and Disney World.

In the piece, titled "Wild Kingdom," Radar is set to air "tales of hard-drinking staff parties, cross-dressing and trying to get Cinderella in the sack that Walt himself would probably like to have cryogenically frozen," tattles our wag.

We're told that one nervous nellie from corporate communications in Anaheim even called a local newsstand distributor and asked him to "set aside issues for Disney to buy" when the much-hyped comeback issue hits stands on May 24.

Oh, what's the big deal? Let them have a little fun--a little Plushie action never hurt anyone!

Besides, I'm sure Disney has absolutely nothing to worry about:
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1 comment:

chepo said...

This might be the funniest thing you have ever posted