Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Good Help Is Hard To Find These Days

MSNBC's "Scoop" has a little item on Stuff magazine's recent report about the chores and duties of various celebrities' assistants/lackeys/underlings/slaves:
Stuff magazine did some investigating, and came up with some of the special tasks assigned to various celeb assistants. Mariah Carey (shown at left) “employs a petite Colombian” who follows her around and whose various duties include keeping the diva’s “long skirts from touching the floor and humping around a Louis Vuitton backpack filled with bottled water,” according to the mag.

Ja Rule
keeps a comedian around to tell him jokes, the mag reports, and Ludacris has an assistant who makes sure that his Game Boy is always loaded with fresh batteries.

Your humble Felt Up blogette had her own petite Columbian, until recently. She used to do a pretty good job writing this thing, considering that English is her second language and all. But I had to fire her for forgetting to post anything yesterday, plus there was that whole assault-and-battery lawsuit thing pending. Just because I beat her about the head and face with a little cellphone. Harrumph. She should've been grateful that I got her out of Columbia! It's dangerous there!

It was getting a little uncomfortable around Felt Up HQ ever since "the incident," anyway...she kept eyeing my Blackberry with what some might describe as "fear," and it made for a poor working environment. So, I am in the market for a new personal assistant! This unique individual must be able to work well with bad puns, make damn sure my gowns don't brush the floor as I frolic with fresh puppies and kittens, and most of all, must not mind the occassional beating with a cellphone and/or PDA! Resumes should be sent via fax or email--IN ENGLISH, PLEASE!


chepo said...

I'm Cuban, can I still apply?

jennifer said...

That depends on your skills at keeping my Gameboy stocked with fresh batteries. And I think you know what I mean when I say "Gameboy."