Monday, May 09, 2005

The Baby Blues Lagoon

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I hate to make light of a serious subject like post-partum depression, but I also can't help but think this little item from WENN know, kind of funny:

Actress Brooke Shields was terrified to be left alone with her daughter Rowan shortly after her birth - because she was certain the baby was far more intelligent than her.

The Blue Lagoon star endured a hellish bout of depression after the 2003 birth of her first offspring with husband Chris Henchy, and even contemplated suicide.

But Shields was particularly disturbed when she found that she feared her tiny child.

She says, "I was terrified to be alone with her and it wasn't so much of I wouldn't know how to take care of her, it was she seemed like she knew more than I did. She seemed smarter, she seemed aware, she had this like little old person, like she's got it figured out and I felt like she knew all my secrets. I thought, 'God, you know way too much about me, ' and I wasn't even sure I liked her. So I said, 'Look, please be patient with me, because I don't know how I feel right now, but what I know is I don't think it's happy. But I promise this isn't gonna like scar you later in life.' I was talking to her like she was a therapist."

Shields' relationship with her daughter improved immensely once she sought medical help for her depression.

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"Mommie's dumb! I think I'll push her down the stairs! Hee hee! Gurgle! Burp!"

Well, Brooke, I think you were right in being deathly afraid of your baby: 1) Because I saw "The Bad Seed," the most important movie ever made for women considering having children (second only to "Mildred Pierce," "The Omen," and "Rosemary's Baby") and 2) Because there is a 99.9% chance that she is smarter than you. A lot smarter. I'm pretty sure my Corgi puppy Chuck is smarter than you, too. Possibly also ferrets, pot-bellied pigs, and goldfish.

You seem like a nice, sweet person, so don't despair, because it all worked out fine in the end. Just stay away from the staircase!


Greg said...

Believe it or not, Brooke graduated with honors from Princeton. Please don't ask me why I know that!

jennifer said...

Oh, I think we all know how you know that, Mr. Greg "Hinckley"!

Actually, I knew about that, too. She just comes off so blank all the time that she SEEMS dumb.

Plus, maybe Princeton ain't all it's cracked up to be...