Thursday, April 07, 2005

The Thong Remains The Same

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Once again, your humble Felt Up blogette has been dragged, kicking and screaming, into the seamy underside of the world of politics. Dirty, disgusting politics! Show biz seems almost godly and wholesome in comparison.

It seems that First Daughter Jenna "Keep Your Politics Out Of My" Bush is quickly becoming the Tara Reid of the Republican Party. (Although, actually, for all I know Tara Reid may already be the Tara Reid of the Republican Party--I'm not sure what her politics are, except that they embrace laissez-faire economics, spreading democracy through the Middle East, and full-frontal public nudity.)

Page Six reports on the latest Jennantics:
Videotape of Jenna Bush in very high spirits at a bachelorette party is being sold and could end up on national TV by the end of the week.

Luckily for Jenna, the cameraman missed "the high point . . . Jenna on all fours doing 'the butt dance' — and doing it very well — as guys were ogling her thong," said our source.

Club patrons do the suggestive dance when the deejay plays the 1988 hit "Da Butt," by E.U.

The president's blond daughter arrived at NerveAna, a '90s-themed lounge on Varick Street, at 10:30 p.m. last Friday with several other pretty young things in a battered old blue minivan.

Sources said it was Jenna's third visit to the club, which features replicas of Monica Lewinsky's blue dress and O.J. Simpson's white Bronco.

Jenna, who plans to teach school in D.C. next fall, wore jeans, moccasin boots and a midriff-baring, satiny blue top. She lit up a cigarette "and she was very polite when she was told she'd have to go outside to smoke," said our source.

Before leaving at 3:30 a.m., Jenna and her pals gamely joined a conga line and danced around the club
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Does anyone else think it's ironic that Jenna Bush, like the rest of us, has to re-live the 1990s to have a good time?

But say what you will about her family (and I say a lot), I have a miniscule, almost undetectable soft spot for Jenna; girlfriend likes to party like it's 1999 (the good ole days)! Her sister went to a better school and is totally "the good girl," while Jenna sticks her tongue out at the press, drinks like WC Fields' alcoholic Irish granddaughter, makes out with her boyfriend in public, has an untold number of unresolved "daddy" issues, and does Da Butt in her thong. Huzzah!

I still hate her on general principle, though.

Now, onto more serious matters. Felt Up Special Agent Michele S. sent in this dossier about everyone's favorite craaaazy Jamaican-androgynous-singer-discovered-by-a-French-Svengali from the 1980s, Ms. Grace Jones, via Digital Spy:
The Press Association reports that passengers said the disgruntled actress grabbed the arm of a train manager as she hurled abuse at her in both French and English, indignant over a ticket upgrade dispute.

Jones was removed from the vehicle by three officers of the British Transport Police after a 15-minute standstill.

Paul Charles, communications director for Eurostar, said: "Grace Jones was challenged by the train manager and was told that, as she did not have a premium class ticket, she would have to pay for an upgrade.

"She said she had no money and refused to move from the carriage. Passengers told us that she was arguing and verbally abusing the train manager. She then attacked the manager, grabbing her arm.

"We are not pressing charges but we will not tolerate any verbal or physical abuse from anyone against passengers or staff on Eurostar."

The plot thickened today when WENN reported today that Grace denies beating the crap out of the manager:

Actress Grace Jones has denied attacking a train manager during a row over ticket fares on a trip from Paris to London...

Jones insists there was "definitely no physical confrontation" and asked to be let off the train - claiming she was issued with an incomplete ticket without a price on it.

Oh, Grace. Don't go changin'! We love you just the way you aaaarrrre! You know you beat up that poor lady. She was impudent! She challenged you! Why would anyone in their right mind challenge Grace Jones? You are the Naomi Campbell of the cross-genre avant-garde dance music world!

One of my favorite Grace Jones-related memories is from the Grammy Awards in the early 1980s. Grace was presenting an award with the late, dearly missed "Superfreak" himself, Rick James. Grace was wearing an outragously over-the-top craaaaazy hat, as is her wont, and when they approached the podium, Rick said into the microphone, "Hey, Stevie, you should see this hat!" He was speaking, of course, to Stevie Wonder. The shocked audience eruputed into boos, but I thought it was hysterical. Stevie laughed! Although he was the only one.

OK, not really a Grace Jones story so much as a Rick James anectdote, but whatever. I still love Grace's dirty ode to the black man's penis "Pull Up To The Bumper, Baby (In Your Long Black Limousine)," which, by the way, is an excellent song to Da Butt to, Jenna Bush. I've done it myself, many, many times; although, granted, in my bedroom, with the door locked, fully clothed. (They didn't have thongs then, thank holy Christ.) Alone. When I was 14.

I am 102 years old!

2 comments:

chepo said...

I know you have a thong somewhere. What do I have to do to see it?

Anonymous said...

Hey! Let's keep it clean, you crazy kids.

By the way, where is Austin's 90s-themed lounge? I'm ready!

Terri R.