Monday, April 04, 2005

Scientology Is Made Of People! PEOPLE!

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I just love it when, on a slow non-news day, a tabloid paper simply pulls a story right out of its ass; it's a beautiful thing to behold when old stories are rehashed, some gay gossip is dusted off and tarted up, and the whole shebang is polished up with a few new quotes from a spokesperson--voila! A NY Daily News lead item! Straight out of the Felt Up school of non-journalism!

It is an interesting story, I have to admit, but there's just nothing new for me to sink my teeth into! Blah blah Scientology, blah blah movie stars who want to be "cured" of their gayness. I've heard it all before! This story is as old as the hills! As old as Madonna's hills, even!

I want to read about Tom Cruise enduring years of electric shock therapy to rid him of his gayness (not to mention his memories of his sham marriage to Botox Kidman!) I want John Travolta and Kirstie Alley suffering horribly in a dual anti-homosexual, anti-fat hypnotherapy mindwarp administered by aliens (isn't that how Scientology works?)! How about Lisa Marie Presley being used as human prey a la Ice-T in a Scientology version of "Surviving the Game?" Is that too much to ask? Huh?

Apparently, yes. Here's the tired, ancient "scoop," anyway:
John Travolta and Tom Cruise have forcefully denied allegations that they turned to Scientology to "cure" them of their supposedly gay urges. But critics continue to claim the religion is rife with homophobia.

Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard wrote in his 1950 best seller, "Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health," that gays were "sexual perverts" and "very ill physically."

That apparently went for Hubbard's son, Quentin, who was said to have been confused about his own sexual orientation. "[Ron] thought Quentin was an embarrassment," Laurel Sullivan, Hubbard's former PR officer, told the Los Angeles Times. Quentin killed himself in 1976...

In a federal lawsuit filed in 1998, ex-Scientologist Michael Pattinson claimed the church deceived him by using Travolta as an example of a satisfied member who'd gone straight. Reps for Travolta - who has been married to Scientologist Kelly Preston for 13 years - and the church called the charges "meritless" and "hogwash."

Scientology spokeswoman Gaetane Asselin scoffed at the suggestion that celebrities like twice-married Cruise, Lisa Marie Presley, Kirstie Alley and Isaac Hayes embrace a theology that sees gays as weak or demented.

"Mr. Hubbard abhorred discrimination in all its forms," Asselin told us. "In today's liberal society," she argued, the church encourages any relationship that is "ethical."

But, she added, "Subjects such as homosexuality and same-sex marriages are not widely debated in Scientology."

Maybe everyone knows not to bring it up.

OK, I do love that the spokeswoman charged with the task of denying the homophobic nature of the Church of Scientology is named Gaetane Asselin. I'll give 'em that.


Rebekah said...

And I love that he named his son Quentin, then was shocked when he ended up questioning his sexual orientation.

And I had no idea Isaac Hayes was a Scientologist...or actually that any black people were Scientologists. It seems like such a crazy white people thing. But I guess, once again, celebrity trumps race.

Greg said...

I think Scientology must be a lot more fun if you're a celebrity.

Otherwise, you'll just go broke paying for all those audits.