Friday, April 29, 2005

Me And Mrs...Mrs. Jones

Normally, I get quite upset when anyone makes fun of a celeb's "plus size" status. It's usually not funny, is cruel, and just serves to make all us non-celeb porkers feel that much more crappy about ourselves.


I seem to be able to make an exception for Ms. Star Jones, who is so repellent that even the lowest blows aimed at her general porcinity simply fill me with glee. I find it particularly interesting that no one seems to give her any credit for having lost approximately half of her former body weight--so loathed is she that they still make fun of her girth. So it was with this little item in today's Page Six:
STAR Jones infuriated a fellow moviegoer at the Tribeca Film Festival screening of "The Muppets' Wizard of Oz" when the big-boned Bridezilla and hubby Al Reynolds sat in his family's assigned seats.

The miffed moviegoer bellowed to festival volunteers, "Those are my seats, and I need them!" as Star, Al and five friends ignored the commotion.

"We can't move Star Jones," one volunteer was heard whispering to her colleague.

Eventually, the uprooted cinephile was seated in what was supposed to have been Star's seat — and the seat was said to be very thankful.

Ba dum dum! Page Six will be appearing in the Kvetch Room here at The Borscht Lodge tonight only. And tomorrow! Try the veal!

I can't believe they didn't add "without a crane" to the "we can't move Star Jones" line. You're losing your vicious, cruel touch, Page Six!

Felt Up has obtained exclusive pictures of the controversial seats in question. Here are the grateful seats Ms. Jones and Allegedly Big Gay Al were assigned:

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And here is the unlucky victim they commandeered:

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It's all becoming so much clearer, now....

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