Wednesday, March 30, 2005

You Don't Naomi Very Well

Huzzah! Although she denies it, Page Six is gleefully reporting that Naomi Campbell has beaten yet another assistant about the head and face--and now she's upgraded from a cell phone to a BlackBerry! (Naomi is tres chic. Slapping assistants with a lowly mobile is so 2004!)
Fiery supermodel Naomi Campbell has allegedly attacked another one of her assistants — beating her with a BlackBerry and slapping her across the face.

An insider tattles to PAGE SIX that Campbell was traveling with a young female assistant in Brazil last week when the catfighting catwalker pounced on her prey during an argument.

"Naomi was slapping her with one hand, and beating her with a BlackBerry with the other," claims our source.

When the sobbing assistant threatened to report the Blackberry beat-down to police, Campbell warned that she would leave her stranded in South America.

"Naomi told her, 'If you go to the police, you're gonna have to pay for your airfare home and I'm gonna whack you with this big hotel bill,' " says our source.

"They were staying at an expensive suite in Rio and the assistant couldn't afford to pay for any of that. She's still traveling with Naomi, but she wants to quit as soon as they come back to New York."

But Campbell's spokesman Rob Shuter insisted that our story was "absolutely not true." His office later forwarded us this e-mail attributed to the assistant:

"I have been working with Naomi Campbell for several months and traveled extensively with her. Naomi has always treated me with great respect. I can tell you as a fact that this ugly rumor is not true."

Ha! The way Page Six says "attributed to the assistant" makes it sound like she is being held prisoner in an undisclosed location, which she probably is; at this very moment the poor girl might have her bruised and bloodied face wrapped in duct tape while Naomi's people prod her with a sharp stick, forcing her to tell her worried family that "everything is just fine" while she tries to tap out s.o.s. on the keypad.

"Do as we say, because you don't want us to bring back Naomi, do you?" they hiss, as the terrified young woman sobs uncontrollably and relieves her bladder at the memory of one very long, thin, manicured hand slapping her violently while another smashes a BlackBerry into her face.

It's like something out of "24"--although counter-terrorism is a total cakewalk compared to being a supermodel's personal assistant. Oh, Naomi. Bless your teeny, tiny, shriveled little heart!

1 comment:

Michael K said...

Naomi is honestly one of the hottest bitches on this planet. I want to work for that ho, so she can beat my ass and then I can sue her!