Saturday, March 05, 2005

We Will Not Be Denied Our God-Given Right To Stare At Fake Breastesses

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Never underestimate the power of boobies.

Not since the glory days of the Tara Reid breast slip has Felt Up gotten so many hits--in fact, one day last week, we got double our all-time record. What is causing this spike in viewership? Amy Lumet's tatas, that's what! Apparently, the fleeting shot of Sidney Lumet's beautiful daughter and her amazing bazooms at the Academy Awards has sent a giant army of internet nerds into a titty tizzy trying to track down photos of those magificent fake bazooms.

At Felt Up we like to give the people what they want, so I've been trying to find a recent picture of this lady the process of this in-depth "research," I found out what some anonymous poster just left in a comment: That Amy is Lena Horne's granddaughter, which explains her beauty (it ain't from Sidney's genes, that's for sure). The problem with finding current photos: There aren't any.

It's really odd. There are no recent images available of this person who a) is Hollywood royalty and b) was an attendee at the Oscars. Is it a conspiracy? Is some dark, mysterious force trying to keep prying eyes away from that awe-inspiring rack? Is she in the witness-protection program, and if so, why did she show up at the Oscars? Did she get tried and convicted by the Star Chamber? What is going on? The world wants answers, or at least downloadable photos of those chachas!

The only photos I could find were quite old. The first one is from 1985:

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Amy, Sidney, and tragically non-boobalicious sister Jenny Lumet.

It's hard to tell through the mass of '80s hair whether or not Amy had already had the fake maracas installed, but I'm going to guess that she had not.

This next photo is from 1997, with the same line-up:

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Clearly still the original god-given goods. Note that Sidney was cryogenically frozen at some point during the early 1980s. Or else there's a painting of Sidney in a room somewhere, melting.

Sorry, folks! I did my best. If anyone can come up with a current photo of this woman and her knock-out knockers, I will give you a price above rubies, ie my eternal gratitude, along with the answered prayers of a milk-can obsessed internet nation!


Steve T said...

A party photo of Amy is available at:

Anonymous said...


Hadn't had a nice laugh like that for a while.