Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Stuck Inside of Hollywood With the Pervy Show-Biz Reporter Blues Again

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First up, special huzzahs and kudos are in order for man-about-town Greg Beets, who managed to scoop the NY Post by a whole day--aka an eternity in news time--with his story on Beetsolonely that Jerry Hall is dating Sharon Stone's ex, Phil Bronstein! Yeah, that's right, that's how we do it down here in Texas, you fancy big-city slow-pokes! Well-played, Greg, well-played. You do us proud!

From the Bill O'Reilly School of Yucky Sex Tapes we have this gag-o-rific story about Pat O'Brien, munchkin-voiced host of Hollywood tv show "The Insider," who recently entered a rehab facility. Ole Pat may have more problems than mere drugs and alcohol--as if being the subject of a terrible Jimmy Fallon impersonation on "Saturday Night Live" wasn't bad enough, now everyone on the internets thinks he's a big perv. From the New York Daily News:
What's the inside story on "Insider" host Pat O'Brien's decision to enter rehab Sunday?

Hollywood sources suggest the timing was to defuse the release of several sexually explicit voice-mail messages, available on the Internet yesterday, soliciting sex froman unidentified woman.

"Let's just [bleeping] have sex and fun and drugs and go crazy," says a male voice.

Yesterday reps for "The Insider" would not comment on widespread attribution of the voice to O'Brien.

The tape describes in graphic detail just how "badly" the caller wants various activities that involve, gosh, all parts of the woman's body.

"I'm so into you, Betsy is so f——ing jealous," the voice claims in one message. "I know you want me, but you have to be with Betsy, too."

"The Insider" host has one child with his wife, Linda.

Sadly, by the final message, Betsy seems to have pulled out of the threesome.

Says the caller: "Get another woman up, hire a hooker, let's get crazy, get some coke and if you get this message, if you agree with this, just look at me and say yes."

OK, all together now, folks, and follow the bouncing ball: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! I think I speak for a nation when I add a deeply hearfelt GROOOOOSSSSSSSS! What is it with these Irish-monikered D-list tv personalities and their insatiable sexual appetities? Pat, I'm begging you: If you don't get help at Charter, please get help somewhere.
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In other non-news, Salon.com has a courageous story outlining the very special career of Beatle Bob. Those of us who live in Austin and attend musical events from time to time have been seeing Beatle Bob around for years; I, for one, am prone to squealing like a teenage girl with a bad case of Beatlemania whenever I am lucky enough for a BB sighting (although I could have perhaps done without his grabbing the microphone from soul legend Solomon Burke's hand at the ACL Festival last year). Since not very many people seem to have premium memberships with Salon, here's the story:
Many odd characters turn up at South by Southwest year after year, none more ubiquitous or scene-stealing than Beatle Bob, a natty middle-aged man with a George Harrison bowl cut, an arsenal of fly retro dance moves, and a penchant for busting them out with arm-flailing abandon directly in front of the stage at shows throughout the festival.

"My signature move is to get your hands to look like you're throwing dice and then kick your leg back like a bowling move," Bob says.

What he's not mentioning is the rather extraordinary way he manages to avoid landing any of his moves on the beat. If you can tell what tempo a song is by watching Bob dance to it, you're a better man than I.

Bob is adored by some (including Guided by Voices, who featured him in their video for "My Kind of Soldier") and despised by others--the aforementioned leg-kick bowling move isn't quite as funny when it lands on your shin.

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Over the years a legend has developed that Beatle Bob's presence at a show is an auspicious sign for the band: If Beatle Bob shows up to dance at your gig, you're on your way. So I was especially pleased to see him spazzing out enthusiastically at an afternoon set by Audiofile favorites the Frames. With Beatle Bob on their side, huge success in the U.S. is surely close at hand for the band.

I wish the author had asked the questions that are always utmost in my mind every time I have encountered BB: What does he do for a living with that hair? Is it a wig? How does he pay for these frequent trips to Austin? And most of all, how does he always manage to get onstage? If anyone knows the answers, please let me know!


Anonymous said...

As you know, I only attended one SXSW show this year: Jason Falkner. And Beatle Bob was standing right next to us throughout the show.

He was doing more of his praying mantis moves with his hands/arms, so I never felt in danger of being kicked in the shins.

Can't escape the BB.

Anonymous said...

I also saw him at Queers show at Emo's dancing so furiously that I thought he would pass out. BB also showed up at Outrageous Cherry show on Sat night.

Anonymous said...

I saw Beatle Bob at the Rezillos and Blowfly Friday night and at the Grip Weeds on Saturday afternoon. I'm not exactly sure how he does it, but I think of Beatle Bob sort of like The Big Lebowski's Dude character, "taking it easy for all us sinners."

Here's a link to an informative article on the man from the St. Louis Riverfront Times:

And thanks for referring to me as a "man-about-town." That's always been my dream gig!

Anonymous said...

I saw BB at Emo's, as well as at the Sons of Hercules day show on Thursday at Casino El Camino.

How come I didn't see him at the Rezillos or Blowfly?

Terri R.

Anonymous said...

Bob walked in on our BF show as clarence the ballads and i was taking a break from the kit. then I wound up sitting across from him on the bus to the honky bbq -- what a great frigging guy!

pretty sure it's his real hair.

Anonymous said...

very nice

Celebrity Dirts