Tuesday, March 29, 2005

My Faye Raves

There's a great article in the NY Times about Faye Dunaway and her role as a judge on the reality show "The Starlet." The gist of the story is that Faye has to take whatever work she can get, because a) she's older and b) she ruined her career with her campy performance in "Mommie Dearest." It's worth reading just for quotes like this one:

"I have been called a diva. Me!" she said during a late-afternoon chat at Hugo's, a West Hollywood cafe. "I actually passed that mantle on to Sharon Stone. I said: 'You can have it! I don't want it!' I just want to be 'Faysie.' I just want to be a li'l girl."

Ah, shucks, sweet li'l Faysie can't believe that anyone would ever call her a diva! Heavens to Betsy! Get the smellin' salts and the swoonin' couch! Incidentally, I bet Sharon Stone was all, "Uh, thanks for that mantle, Faysie, but I really couldn't take it...No, really, I mean it. I mean it, Faye. Take it back. Take it back! AAAAAAAAAH!"

Sadly, there is no mention of the greatest tribute ever paid to Miss Dunaway, which is that a bright light used by studio technicians to blast away aging stars' wrinkles is called "The Faye." I plan on installing The Faye into every room in my house. And as Marlene Dietrich used to insist upon, I shall only be lit from above. Oh, if only I could somehow recreate the gauzy pink glow of an Ann Taylor dressing room everywhere I went, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, then I probably could lay off the Botox for a week or two! Short of giving everyone I encounter Vaseline-smeared glasses, though, it might be impossible to gloss over the ravages of time. We can send a man to the moon, but we can't invent a permanent, omnipresent Faye Light for your humble Felt Up blogette! Harrumph.

Fun Fact: My mom and I once listened to the book-on-tape of Faye's autobiography, Looking For Gatsby on a road trip, as is our wont, and it was absolutely riveting. It was read by the author herself! What I love most about Faye is that she is from the backwoods of Florida yet has one of those old-timey theatah voices that have almost entirely disappeared from show biz. Just think of how she said, "I don't get tough, Mr. Giddes. My lawyers do" in "Chinatown." Who talks like that anymore? Since Norma Shearer, Mary Astor, good ole Joan Crawford and the rest of their generation have gone on to The Great Moving Picture in the Sky, nobody does but Faye (and possibly Liza)--and I think it's a shame. Bring back the affected actressy accent! Down with naturalism! Boo on Method acting!

But let's not go too far. We don't need anymore Madonnas running around.

(Shudder.)

1 comment:

phil flowers said...

Yes I was about to say, don't forget Madonna, and her neo-brit accente'