Monday, February 07, 2005

So I believe there was some kind of sporting event that went on yesterday; usually I could give a rat's ass, but today there were some reports from the gossip mills about the gross exhibition of hormone-mad raw male the Super Bowl after parties, that is. The NY Daily News gave us the play-by-play:

"Not all the playas were on the field at Super Bowl XXXIX.

Nick Lachey showed his pass-making skill at ESPN Magazine's party. Feeding rumors that the seconds are ticking away on his marriage to Jessica Simpson, the popster had his bodyguard run interference when Lachey saw a tall blond he liked.

'You want to meet Nick,' the singer's emissary informed the pretty woman. 'Because Nick certainly wants to meet you.'

The security man brought the lady to Lachey and later gave her Lachey's cell phone number. 'You call in 20 minutes and come over to the hotel,' Lachey's handler whispered as Nick flashed a smile. (Rest easy, Jessica: The blond didn't go.)

Elsewhere at the ESPN party, Owen Wilson put in his order early to an organizer. 'Bring me women,' he explained.

Former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin was dancing with no fewer than six women at once. Former 'Bachelor' Jesse Palmer and 'Fast and Furious' star Carl Walker appeared to be offering all sorts of proposals to the scantily clad models dressed as brides at Maxim Magazine's Maximony party.

Gridiron great Deion Sanders insisted he isn't the playboy he once was. 'I'm not wild and crazy,' he told us. But he didn't let the Hawaiian Tropic model on his arm prevent him from trying to coax some Jacksonville gals out to his car.

Chris Rock, Adam Sandler and Ashton Kutcher seemed to have left their ladies at home. Dennis Quaid brought his new bride, Kimberly Buffington. Aware of the leers she was getting, he kept a tight grip on her."

Jesus! All these male celebs acting like Motley Crue in their heyday? "Bring me women"? Eww! What is it about football that makes these guys regress to their primitive, dog-like state? I hate to sound like a naive child found in a cabin a la Jodie Foster in "Nell," and I realize that boys will boys, blah blah blah, this is what goes on all the time, etc etc, but I still find it all! I feel like I've lost my innocence today.

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However, my cosmos wasn't rocked too hard; some things remain blissfully the same:

"Nicole Richie showed her blocking skill when she tried to cut into the bathroom line at the Maxim party. 'Bitches,' she muttered, when other ladies resisted her star power."

Bless her little heart...

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