Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Poll results are in! The question was: What celebrity event would you most like to see happen in 2005?

It was a spirited contest, with "XXXXX XXXXXX [aka She Who Shall Not Be Named, With Initials P.H.] goes to hand out handbags with her likeness on them to tsunami victims and IS NEVER HEARD FROM AGAIN" going neck-and-neck with "SOMEBODY has a full-on Mariah Carey-style meltdown! And for the love of God, let it be Liza!" but in the end, the utter hatred of you-know-who won out over our deep, abiding love for a celebrity meltdown...bless our little hearts!

In third place was "Britney and the yokel HAVE THE BABY ALREADY so we can move on with our lives," fourth went to "Nick and Jessica get divorced; Jessica gets new MTV show called 'Divorcee,'" and in fifth place was "Tom Cruise is caught in the act in a public bathroom a la George Michael, career unaffected because he made a pact with the devil."

Not very many Felt Up readers wanted to see "Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson get back together, conceive another child, get married, get divorced again, Pam realizes Tommy Lee has mental capacity of 14 year-old boy, takes him back," and, really, who can blame them? But absolutely no one wanted Mary-Kate Olsen "to dress UNLIKE a bag lady for a while," which is a little puzzling, since she looks like a deranged homeless waif most of the time, probably to hide her downward spiral back into anorexia, which is not all that HOTT if you ask me.

Likewise, not a single vote went to "Jen and Brad adopt a Sri Lankan orphan, save marriage, ruin Sri Lankan child's life." Perhaps we all knew that nothing, not even an Angelina Jolie-inspired adorable Asian refugee adoption, could save that marriage. Nothing! Or perhaps we really don't want to inflict another catastrophe on the Sri Lankan people...haven't they suffered enough?

Now, onto the new poll!

This one was inspired by the slew of internet petitions that have emerged recently. As Felt Up reported, there is already a "Stop Ashlee Simpson" petition and a very worthy "Stop Star Jones." (Sadly, I believe it will take more than the Will of the People to stop Star Jones-Reynolds and her gravy train.) In that spirit, I am proposing a new petition, picked out by YOU, the very tasteful and discerning Felt Up reader. Go down to the bottom left and check out your choices. The winner will get an actual online petition, created by moi, for our satisfaction and enjoyment! There is also a "write-in" box: If you can think of a better, more worthwhile petition, and I'm sure you can, why not e-mail or post a comment with your suggestions?

It takes a village, people! Together we can change the world!

No comments: