Friday, February 18, 2005

From the "I Will Never Look at a Barber's Pole the Same Way Again" file comes this report that was the lead in today's Page Six column:

"The most lurid testimony to be heard in Michael Jackson's looming child molestation trial could concern the bizarre appearance of his penis.

Private investigator Ernie Rizzo, who was hired by the family of the boy who accused Jackson of molestation in 1993, predicts that Jackson's latest alleged victim could provide damning testimony about the pop oddball's uniquely marked manhood.

Rizzo, a former Chicago police detective who has seen photographs of Jackson's genitals taken by cops in 1993, claims that because Jackson "bleaches" his body twice a week, distinctive markings on his penis are visible when he is aroused.

'It looks like a barber's pole,' Rizzo tells PAGE SIX. 'That's exactly what it looks like. The first kid and all the other kids who have seen his penis know that there are brown circles around it.

'If the second kid is allowed to testify, this will come into question,' Rizzo predicts. 'Jackson doesn't have [the skin-whitening disease] vitiligo. Debbie Rowe got him the bleach — she used to work for the dermatologist . . . There has never been any dermatologist who has come forward on his behalf to say he has vitiligo.'

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All together now: EWWWWWWWWWWWWW! I've been saying for some time that the Penis Factor was going to be a big element in this trial, because of all the rumors floating around that the kid who took the payoff twelve years ago was able to describe The King of Pop's dong to a "t." The question is: Will the prosecutors be allowed to show photos in court of the royal wang? Will they get out pointers and do a "JFK"-style examination of the evidence ("Down and to the left. Down and to the left!")? A girl can hope, can't she? Stay tuned!

And finally, some nerd news from WENN:

"Star Wars director George Lucas will make a cameo appearance in the upcoming final film in the sci-fi series.

Lucas is set to follow in the footsteps of Lord Of The Rings film-maker Peter Jackson by briefly appearing before cameras in Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith, playing Baron Papanoida in an opera house scene."

The special nerd in your humble Felt Up blogette's life kindly provided a photo of King George in his rather fetching costume:

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