Monday, January 10, 2005

Those poor bastards at Star Magazine. The cover this week screams: "Brad & Jen Back On! IT'S BABY TIME!" If it wasn't so sad to see how far the mighty have fallen, I would laugh. Maybe even guffaw...Alas, they took a 50/50 gamble (They Will Break Up/ They Will Not Break Up) and LOST BIG TIME. They have "exclusive" photos of the lovebirds on a "romantic vacation" at a "secret getaway," and the accompanying article is titled "Brad & Jen In Love and MAKING TIME--To Make a Baby!" An eyewitness to the "happy couple's" frolicking and canoodling reported that "Brad and Jen couldn't get enough of each other. They looked and acted so much in love." HA! HA, HA and DOUBLE HA! That's because they are ACTORS. Not terribly good ones, but actors just the same! And just HOW romantic could it POSSIBLY have been when they brought along creepy couple Courteney Cox and David Arquette? This was CLEARLY a sad last hurrah before they called in the lawyers. David Arguette's presence alone was obviously the death knell for Brad & Jen. As Erma Bombeck might have said, if life is a bowl of cherries, why is David Arquette vacationing with the Pitts?

Speculation has been rampant all over the Internets about the cause of the breakup. WENN reports that temptress to the stars Angelina Jolie is involved SOMEhow:

"The reason behind Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's separation remains unclear, with at least three different theories for the split being put forward - two of which involve Angelina Jolie...

The most common reason being given for the split is that the couple argued over whether or not to have children. Pitt, 41, is reportedly keen to become a father while former Friends star Aniston is said to want to concentrate on her movie career.

Another theory is that Aniston, 34, heard Pitt and his Mr. & Mrs. Smith co-star Jolie engaging in 'phone sex'.

A source tells British newspaper the News Of The World, '(Brad and Angelina) would speak on the phone all the time - always speaking in hushed tones. There was no hiding their affection for each other. Jennifer listened in on the conversation via another extension. I don't know if she accidentally picked up the phone or deliberately did that. Either way, she went ballistic.'

And, in a further explanation involving sexy Tomb Raider star Jolie, UK tabloid the Daily Star Sunday writes that the marriage finally collapsed because Pitt adores playing father to Jolie's adopted son, Maddox. An insider tells the publication, 'Jen became furious when he pointed out that, at 29, Angelina is six years younger than her and is managing to combine motherhood and a successful career.'"

Hmmm. Personally, your humble Felt Up blogette feels that no man (including her baby brother) can resist the sexsational charms of Ms. Angelina Jolie, and if they can, they are gay. Plain lil' Jennifer "The Chin" Aniston is simply no match for the beautiful sucubus that is Angelina. She was probably sent here by the devil to lead good men to their damnation. And to adopt adorable tykes and make their lives better. And be a UN goodwill ambassador and whatnot. BUT MAINLY to tempt men and leave a path of wanton destruction and ruin in her wake. WHO WILL SHE DESTROY NEXT? AND WILL SHE ADOPT/BUY A RUSSIAN BABY? Stay tuned!

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