Tuesday, January 04, 2005

First of all, my sincerest apologies for the scarcity of posts these past couple of weeks, but 1) I have been cruelly cursed with terrible hangovers for no apparent reason--surely not from drinking those wee bottles of champers and then swigging Jameson's from a plastic cup until I wake-up with my face pressed against the cool, sweet tile of my bathroom floor day-in and day-out since Thanksgiving? and 2) more pressingly, I've had a very bad case of the DSL bug, and the good people at SBC India have not been able to figure it out yet. I hear they have other problems over there, but what could be more important than a gossip blog? Harrumph. So please bear with your humble Felt Up blogette as she attempts to sober up and get back on the Internets full-time, where she belongs....

Now, for some old business: the poll results are in! The person or event who is the biggest harbinger of the coming Armageddon is Paris Hilton with 27%! Not too surprising, really, since it is totally and completely TRUE. She is the portent of doom, the bringer of the Rain of Frogs, the Seventh Sign. DUH. We had a three-way tie for second place: Joan and Melissa Rivers' return to the red carpet, Pink's movie of her innermost thoughts and feelings, "The Diary of Pink," and the launch of Lindsay Lohan's musical "career" all brought in 18% of the vote for a likely anti-Christ situation. There was another three-way tie for third place: the birth of Julia Roberts' twins, Damien and Damienele, the existence of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen (they scare me! so tiny!), and Dick Clark's stroke (he must live forever! he MUST! AAAAAH!). Fourth place was the advent of "The Real Gilligan's Island," and dead last with no votes whatsoever was Nipplegate (the "-gate" not the nipple itself). I kind of liked that last one, since the incredible hoo-ha over the semi-baring of a woman's God-given body part seemed terribly out of proportion. However, it may have merely indicated the Puritanical, backwards, rube-like quality of much of these United States, rather than any kind of global biblical-type destruction. Or maybe not. We shall see. Did anyone notice if any leviathans washed ashore in Indonesia? I'm just sayin'...

OK. Time for the first new poll of the year! This time the question is: What celebrity event would you most like to see happen in 2005? As always the poll is down yonder in the bottom left. Get to it!

Also, a little gossip tidbit for all you Star Wars fans out there: Kenny Baker, who played R2D2 and is a close, close personal friend of Terri R., was arrested recently in England for drunk driving in what I can only assume is a specially-rigged Mercedes. He refused to give a breath test because of his asthma, and is now awaiting the results of a blood test, which he swears up and down will show he only had one glass of wine. Which begs the question: How much wine does R2D2 have to drink to be legally drunk? As Yoda would say, "Drink little he may. But tiny person is he, and careful he was not. Afraid he is not. But he will be. HE WILL BE." Or something like that. My Yoda-speak always ends up sounding more like a Jewish grandma.

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