Friday, December 17, 2004

Kind of slim pickens today, I'm afraid. But there IS this little item from Page Six that is sure to warm the heart and imbue one with the sweet glow of holiday spirit:

"The catfight between Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan is back on.

The teen queens declared their undying hatred for each other after they simultaneously dated Aaron Carter, but at last Friday's Z100 Jingle Ball, Duff took the feud up a notch when she got her boyfriend to make Lohan's little brother cry.

Lohan, at the concert to introduce Destiny's Child, was with her brother Cody, 8, Cody's pal (also 8), her sister Ali, 10, and her mother, Dina.

'Cody and his friend love Good Charlotte, who were playing, and they really wanted an autograph from the band,' our source reports.

But when the boys and a Universal publicist knocked on the dressing room door, there was Duff sitting on the lap of Good Charlotte band member Joel Madden, whom she's dating.

Told that one boy was Lohan's brother, Duff whispered to Madden, who snapped: 'Get me your mother!'

When Dina got to the dressing room, Madden told her: 'Until your daughter publicly apologizes to [Hilary], you're not getting any autographs!'

According to our spy, 'Cody started crying, he was so upset. Dina was just appalled.'

A rep for Lohan declined comment. A rep for Duff said, 'Hilary was not even near Joel's dressing room all night.'"

Who knows if this story bears any semblance to reality? Who gives a damn? All I know for sure is that it is awesome in every way. Making an 8-year-old cry? Hilary Duff sitting on the lap of a Good Charlotter? A never-ending feud between teen sensations? Hotcha! It's like Santa got my Christmas list early!

To celebrate such good fortune, I would like to recite one of my favorite carols, which has been passed down from generation to generation in my family and goes something like this, but with tap dance accompaniment (a five six seven eight):

"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a Duff on Good Charlotte's knee.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, one boy a cryin' and a Duff on Good Charlotte's knee.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two girls a feudin', one boy a cryin' and a Duff on Good Charlotte's knee.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three lawsuits pendin', two girls a feudin', one boy a cryin' and a Duff on Good Charlotte's knee.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...four taaaaaaaacky teeeeens [I'm including members of the Duff/Lohan posse here, bear with me]...three lawsutis, two feudin' girls, one cryin' boy and A DUFF ON GOOD CHARLOTTE'S KNEE."

Still brings a tear to my eye...

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