Friday, December 10, 2004

Ahhh, Friday is here and the weather is beautiful here at Felt Up HQ, and a girl's thoughts turn to flights of fancy. Or not...WENN reports that:

"Spears Stinks Out Plane with Feet"

"Pop beauty Britney Spears' smelly feet upset her fellow airplane passengers recently.

The "Toxic" singer was flying from Los Angeles to New York with her husband Kevin Federline and decided to make herself more comfortable by removing her shoes.

Unfortunately for her fellow passengers, Britney's feet caused such a stink it wasn't long before they were forced to complain to a stewardess.

One says, 'The smell was unbelievable. One woman had a word with the air hostess, then three or four others complained. She looked pretty embarrassed as she tapped Britney on the shoulder and asked her very politely to put her shoes back on. Britney went red, laughed and said her shoes made her feet stink. Thankfully she put them on. There's no way we could have put up with that.'"

I think I am beginning to fall in love a little with Ms. Britney Spears. As Terri R. says, it just seems like she would be so fun to party with. You go, Stink Foot! Don't let the bastards get you down!

And in darker, more troubling--nay even terrifying--news, further evidence from Page Six that the powers of cosmic darkness are lining up as we hurdle ourselves toward The Apocalypse:

"Adam Levine, Maroon 5's frontman, found himself as the latest man to get caught in Paris Hilton's revolving man-door. The two went back to the Hard Rock's penthouse and partied into the wee hours before disappearing together."

Seriously, this is getting frightening. What's next? What new sign of impending doom could come our way? What freaky thing is going to happen to really shake the foundations of my core belief systems? I mean, what--is Tara Reid going to dump Lindsay Lohan as her best friend/partier-in-crime?

Oh,no. It can't be. Jesus t-f'ing Christ:

"Actress Tara Reid has viciously attacked the New York Post's gossip columns for claiming she is close friends with teen star Lindsay Lohan...

In an interview with America's Stuff magazine, Reid blasts, 'The reporters from (New York Post's) 'Page Six' hate me, and I don't know why. They will write anything they can and always in a derogatory way. You can't do anything about it.'

Reid focuses on one of "Page Six"'s three female correspondents Liz Smith, Cindy Adams and Elisa Lipsky-karasz, but refuses to clarify which reporter she hates. Reid fumes, 'She's just evil. But karma's a bitch, so she'll get hers.'

The blonde beauty is furious she's been associated with Lohan, who, despite being underage at 18 years old, is regularly spotted in the nightclubs of Hollywood and New York.

She explains, 'A tabloid reported she moved into my house and she's never even been to my house. Some article said I was a bad influence on her, because she was going out and going crazy. But Lindsay Lohan is way more wild than I was when I was her age. Don't put me with her - I don't want to be dragged into her s**t.'
--From WENN

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I won't believe it! No. No. No. It isn't true! Lindsay and Tara are thisclose! I know it! Damn you and your serpent's tongue, foul woman! I don't know if I want to live in a world where Tara Reid and Lindsay Lohan don't do cocaine off each other's backsides at Suede! Or drink Grey Goose Cape Cods while dancing on the banquettes with Australian tennis players at Bungalow 8! Or pick up strange Latin manchildren and have their way with them in the ladies' room at Club Nacional! These are the dreams that I cherish; my faith in them USED TO BE unshakable, my devoutness was like a nun's. Now what do I do? Where do I go from here? I am lost in the wilderness....

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